The Secret Diary of Meiling Li
by Cardwitch
Summary: Shh... okay it's a secret, but Meiling has a diary and she'll share it with you. Just come inside and review. Understand feelings you never thought Meiling had. PLEASE R&R It's Meiling's Wish of you to read this story so please read! FINISHED!
1. My First Two Days

_I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura CLAMP does._

_Things in this story do link to some of my own life; the thing with being rejected for another girl isn't though. That's just how Meiling is. The story I have writeen here has been remastered to it's fullest and best here... I give a reason to love, and understand Meiling._

_(To all children who are scared of their parents, be strong and follow your dream. Keep your life going, it's not the end when they say it. And no matter what you do, mental or sane they can't control you.  
-Sophie Withall)_

* * *

**MEILING'S DIARY STARTS HERE**

Dear Diary,

I'm in Tomoeda I can't wait to see Tomoyo again. I'm looking forward to seeing Sakura as well. I received a letter from Syaoran and he said my friends needed some help. Syaoran said he missed me when I came through the door. He made me feel warm in side happy.

When I got to school today, I saw Syaoran and Sakura giving each over love sighs and a boy called Eriol is now sitting in my place. (It's so unfair I sit next to Syaoran. It's not fair, even now I'm angry with the teacher). I want my place back. He introduced himself to me and during class Eriol kept looking at me a blushing.

At lunchtime, I wanted to eat lunch with Syaoran, Sakura and Tomoyo like old times, but when I found Syaoran he and Sakura were making love signs (again) and eating lunch on their own. No sign of Tomoyo. And to make me even angrier, Sakura and Syaoran were snuggling up to each over and Sakura was playing with Syaoran's hair (Oh well it's mine and Tomoyo's fault we were the one's who got them together, but I still feel bitterness inside) I have to get a new boyfriend. Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder, I thought it was Tomoyo no, it was that Eriol guy.

"Have you eaten your lunch yet?" he asked

"No, I haven't had a chance to. My friends all seem to be occupied at the moment" I explained glancing over to Sakura and Syaoran. They were eating lunch together and sharing food like two star cross lovers.

"I haven't had lunch yet, d'you want to eat together?" he invited me with an English charm smile (Mind you he is English, must be why he's so charming). I was so happy, happy that someone nice and kind wanted the pleasure of my company. I had to admit- he's dead kind!

"Yes please, I like to have company at lunch" I replied with a smile. His white face seemed to go red across his nose.

We ate near were the fountain is. We talked about were we come from. Eriol seemed fascinated by my story and he kept looking at me as if he'd never seen girl before, I think that he's really Tomoyo's boyfriend so I didn't flirt. Its just fairness but I had to ask if Tomoyo was his girl friend.

"Eriol I hope you don't mind my asking but." I begun, suddenly he said-

"No, Tomoyo's not my girlfriend, I don't really like her that much, she's all right I guess" Eriol told me. I'm still shocked, he's just like Syaoran and his mother they can all read minds. I wish I could do something like that, read minds.

"Oh really, Syaoran does that too you know" I told him, what was I doing? Should I be telling him this?

"Do worry I know it's kind of scary when people do that, Mind reading I mean. I hope I'm not scaring you Meiling-Chan" Eriol told me patting me head. He was the first person since I got here who had called by my name and putting Chan at the end. Everyone at home calls me Li-Chan (To tell me apart from Syaoran). Sakura calls me Meiling-san, which I think is a nice term "Friend of respect". I've called Sakura- Kinomoto-san or Kinomoto-Chan when I first meet her but she's Sakura-Chan to me. And Tomoyo is Tomoyo- Chan (My dear beloved friend, the only one who understands me). She makes all the problems I have go away, I'm her friend Meiling-Chan. Syaoran's my Syaoran-kun or Syaoran-san. What should I call Eriol? First name? Last name? Kun or San? It was like-'Think Meiling think'. Finally he said, "Call me Eriol-Kun okay Meiling-Chan?"

He read my mind again, well Eriol-Kun was saying- Eriol friend we are now friends. I have a new friend, so what if he took away all the darkness and beat up Yue and Kero-san? He's really a nice guy, I think.

"You don't mind my calling you Meiling-Chan? Or would you prefer Li-Chan?" Eriol asked politely. I didn't mind Meiling-Chan; I've always wanted to be called that. Tomoyo calls me Meiling-Chan, but I have been Li-Chan before she called me that.

"No call me Meiling-Chan, it's easier to tell me and Syaoran's sisters apart that way", I told him with a giggle. I must have sounded stupid! I feel a bit of embarrassment shock shoot down my heart, that feeling you get when you've said something wrong and someone's sharply corrected you.

"Don't be embarrassed, Meiling-Chan" Eriol said stocking my arm. I felt that twinge you get when someone kind torches your skin. I've felt that way before.

"Your name is very interesting" Eriol suddenly said changing the subject slightly. I nodded slowly-

"So is yours, Eriol? What does it mean?" I asked quickly, Eriol thought and replied.

"I've never really known, I try to find out but my name is strange in England" Eriol explained. I think I know what it means-

"Lion" I said quickly again,

"Sorry? Lion?" Eriol said looking at me with a smile that cut right through me like Syaoran's sword had stabbed me, but I replied again-

"Your name, I believe it means God's Lion", I shyly said looking at his blue eyes. They seemed to shine when I told him, "An English team, I think?"

"Your name is very pretty Meiling, Chinese Beauty?" Eriol said after a while. He knew what my name ment. 'Beauty' I really don't live up to my name.

Just then the bell rang, Eriol got up and like a gentleman offered his hand to help me up. "I'll see you in class, Pretty Peal" he told me and before running off he kissed my hand. He did that to Sakura once, Syaoran was very unhappy about Eriol kissing Sakura's hand.

I feel so flatted he kissed 'my' hand. That hasn't happened in ages. I feel like a really lady now.

All through 8th and 9th period Eriol kept looking and smiling to me. Tomoyo was giggling, I'm not a mind reader but I knew she was thinking 'New romance'. She wishes, I am not too sure if I want to do that again.

Syaoran and Sakura where looking at Eriol and then at me. They whispered something and then giggled.

I can't wait for school tomorrow see my new friend; I wonder what he's doing now. I feel like I have a connection with him some how. Maybe he knows something about something that he needs to tell Sakura and Syaoran. I wonder what it is if there is something there.

I have to go now Diary, thank you and good night,

Love Meiling Li

P.S- Rika wasn't in today, Chiharu says she's feeling unwell I hope she's better soon. I think there might be a bug going around. Syaoran's getting a fever too; he might be off tomorrow too. I'll tell you if he does, Sakura will be upset about her tong reselling contest isn't in.

Dear Diary,

As I predicted Syaoran is sick so he's in bed, maybe I am a mind reader or something. He says he's not sick but Wei and I have seen it all before. He just doesn't like being sick and not going to school because of Sakura being there. So I'm on Kinomoto watch for him, in case of any trouble. Great, I have a life too cousin Syaoran! And part of it doesn't imply babysitting your girlfriend.

I DO have a life and I'm not a screw up like my parents say. I feel so alone in this world sometimes.

I saw Eriol today. We talked again and he asked, "Meiling what's your life story, if you don't mind my asking?"

"No, I'll tell you if you tell me yours afterwards" I told him. Eriol agreed, sat down and listened to my story.

My start out in life was a mess; I was unwanted by my parents, an accident. My mother was a kid when she had me and my father was busy all the time with work. So I was born and unwanted, my father's cousin and mother's brother Syaoran's father helped look after me and I meet my cousin Syaoran that way.

When Syaoran's father passed away his mother and mine betrothed Syaoran and I. I remember my mother talking to my father about it-

"This is the best way, Zinan (My father's name)" Mother snapped. Brushing her long very dark brown hair out of her eyes, and rubbing her pregnant tummy. I was outside the living room door, listening to them talking.

"Jinling (Mother's name), my wife why must we? Family blood is Li blood", my father told her in his noble.

"Syaoran Li's blood and magic is great and I will have grandchildren with magic, for some reason I know not I was born with no magic with my two brothers who did, Zyiro had hardly any and Ryury (her pet name for Li's father) had all the magic in the world" mother yelled in father's ear. "Meiling is the key to getting all of that, she's my daughter and with beauty she will bare beautiful children".

The Key? I wasn't a key for what my mother and father to gain power on the clan, was I, what about the new baby? When she or he is born will she or he be used like this. Not a he, he would have rights.

"Husband, Meiling is ours and I intend to use her for a good life. She will make a great bride and give The Li Clan sons" my mother ravened on. My father looked to her in fear.

"Meiling has a right to choose" father said, "Like Ryuu told you, he wants the best for Syaoran".

"This is the best for both Meiling and Syaoran, it's about time that puppy came to use for Yelan, she is a direct descendent of Clow Reed" mother yelled out. "And it's about time Meiling came to use too". Father didn't like this.

"Wait a minute, Meiling is just four, Syaoran is four next month in July and it's been a year since Ryuu died. I don't see how you can see Meiling as a rag doll you can toss around" Father snapped back, "If you didn't want to be a mother you should have said". Mother sat next to Father and put her hand on her tummy again.

"You wouldn't let me get rid of it" Mother snapped to him. 'It' was I just 'It' to her? Father thought the same as me. Yes he wasn't very happy I was here and alive in this world, but at least he didn't think of me as 'It'.

"When in her life has Meiling been a 'It'?" Father asked,

"When she was in my womb she wasn't 'She', it was 'It'" Mother snapped again her hair in a mess with furry. I remember being so scared, my mother and father were always arguing over what they will do with me. It made me feel like an old bathroom towel or an old rag doll, 'It' is hers.

"No Meiling has always been a she, and she was a she then and she is now. She was a person when your oval was fertilized, from then she was a SHE" Father snapped back trying to use 'she' in his speech. "I will only agree if we get something good out of this and if Yelan truly agrees with this".

Then it was done, this 'It' had her life thrown in front of her face. Father never questioned it again, never.

When I was five, finally, truly I fell in love with Syaoran when he saved my bird, Kagami. Named after my favourite Clow Card- The Mirror Card. Syaoran and I would play cardcaptors for our game and I loved it. Syaoran and I took our training very seriously, we are both trained in Marshal Arts.

When we were seven our cousin Tora died at the age of nine, we all miss her dearly; she died because she fell into pond in Syaoran's back yard. Syaoran fell in to and almost died himself but Wei saw him and got him out. Thankfully he was all right but Tora was already dead.

When we were nine our cousin Yoshi died, he was fifthteen and to Syaoran it was losing a big brother. Syaoran really misses Yoshi even today, and when he's ill he has bad dreams of him.

I've never told anyone the troubles Syaoran gets while he's sleeping. He sees his father, Tora or Yoshi all the time. And in his head he can picture the water again and looking up, seeing someone there. Watching him drown. He sees his father now and again, but never really knew him. Syaoran was only turning three when he died.

As for me, I have bad dreams of Syaoran's death, many horrible ways. As the Cardcaptor who helps the Clow Mistress I fear for his life like a sister. I feel a sense of sisterhood with him then cousinhood now he says he loves Sakura. I know how Jane-Anne, Clow Reed's helper (Like what Syaoran is to Sakura) died. She had her head cut off because Clow Reed thought she had broke the Eastern Enchantments and Western Wizardry laws.

Even today in the Li Clan it is the law that even the Leader should die if a rule is broken. Head chopping, burning, and crushing them all of the things that normal people rid of centuries ago but they are still happening to people like Syaoran. It scares me I'm frightened for my friends and family with magic.

My mother and father see me as a tool but they don't use my sister Meiquing she's just normal girl. But my mother and father expect so much from me, mother is angry I lost Syaoran to a mother calls- "A dirty Japanese sow".

When Syaoran told me he loved Sakura I felt alone again, what was my reason for being here? I don't have one. My life is just a mess. Everything I touch bites me very hard on the fingers. And now Tomoyo and I have got Syaoran and Sakura together and the two are in love and still I'm alone. I can be surrounded by Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo, Naoko, Rika, Chiharu and Takashi and be completely alone.

"Eriol do you know what I mean?" I asked after telling him all this. Eriol moved closer to me on the bench we were sitting on and whispered in my ear-

"You can never be alone if you look inside yourself and see the beautiful and kind girl you are"; his voice was kind to my ear. I shut my eyes and felt his tong at my ear, I felt that beating of my heart and my face blushed slightly. I've seen Sakura do this to Syaoran and Syaoran do it to Sakura, I've always wondered what it feels like. Finally Eriol took his tong a way and asked me, "Do you want to know my story? It's not as deep as yours but I did promise to tell you mine if you told me yours". I nodded and sat very close to him hanging on his every word.

My story starts in England, I was born in London at my home. I have no brothers or sisters and my parents died years ago 194 years ago to be exact. I am just one part of Clow Reed and Sakura's father is the over part. My magic has been split now between Fujitaka. I've been this age for years after my parents died and now I can finally grown up like a normal kid, now the new Mistress of the cards in chosen.

Eriol told me this very quickly I couldn't get to grips with it all. (Mind you he's not a normal kid). My story was my mother and father yelling over what to do with me or what's best for me. They have no idea how scared they can make me, how scared they can make me feel. I feel safe with my friends I know nothing can happen to me with them. As soon as I'm home I worry, when I'm on holiday and I'm with mother's family they ask what I think of my father. What do I say? I am scared and I have to keep going, I tell myself. Keep going for the people who need me and love me. But who does need me? And one more question. Who is it who loves me?

"You will know what to do one day Meiling-Chan" Eriol said softly stroking my arm, "You'll know what to do". We then walked a spent the rest of lunch together.

Help me! I'm crying to the world and can anybody hear my cry? Can anybody save me; I wish I were like Sakura. In love with somebody and happy with a hope of being that person's wife, she has Syaoran and his love. I'd kill to have that. Anyway I'll talk tomorrow diary.

All my love to my little heart and power,

Meiling Li

Our Name's and Meanings-

Meiling- Beauty  
Tomoyo- Good and Clever  
Sakura- Cherry Blossom  
Syaoran- Little Wolf  
Eriol- God's Lion  
Toya- Peach Blossom  
Yukito- Snow

Syaoran and my surname meaning-

Li- Fire (Chinese name, it's the element fire)

P.S Syaoran's still got a fever; I hope he'll be okay. Sakura came round and talked to him. Better then them being on the phone, they could be on for hours. Like I don't get calls myself, okay I don't really. But still Wei and I live here too and there is only one phone line.

Syaoran must have told Sakura a million times that she should call him on the cell phone. Tomoyo's told her too. Sakura forgets she has a cell phone ever since cardcaptoring ended. I wish there was more happening, I wish I could have helped more when there was something happening. But I didn't, my mother's right I should just go live under somebody's stairs. That's really it.


	2. The Chinese Doll I Am To All

Dear Diary,  
  
Sakura's spending the night here because Syaoran's getting worse. He couldn't even get up this morning. That poor thing, I hope he'll get better soon. Sakura staying (again) so that means I'll have to keep her in my room.  
  
Hay Sakura sleeps round kind of a lot these days this place is like her second home.  
  
Sakura came to school with her stuff I guess she'll be staying for quiet a while. I saw Eriol again; he was as sweet a usual. Tomoyo; she was just Tomoyo-Chan. Sakura (Oh wait we've done her) but she was the same Ying La. Ying La's a nice name it's Chinese you know.  
  
Looking back on my first talk with Eriol we talked about names. I looked up my name and it really does mean 'Beautiful, Pretty, Neat, Flax, Lake, Idol, Adored One and Longed for Child' (I wish). I am the most unwanted girl ever to play her part in Li history.  
  
Eriol eat with me again and we talked about our families more. Eriol said that he had been alive for years and in all those years he had never had such a kind friend as I. Eriol makes me feel like I've got a friend who won't throw me away. My new friend is so great. I could tell him anything, like I can tell you. Like what cousin Tora was like.  
  
Eriol said to me- "You can talk to me if you want to, confined in me if you feel you need to". I can confine in him, he makes me feel so special. Like a special friend to him, He gives me a similar feeling to what I felt when Tomoyo and I were working together to get Syaoran and Sakura together, a best friend feeling a bonding thing. So I told him some more about my life. Eriol listened to me with the greatest respect. I can talk freely to him with no wall keeping me out and away from him.  
  
"Okay but don't laugh and don't tell Syaoran I said anything because some of it is about Syaoran", I told him.  
  
"I swear I'll never tell the fire" Eriol chuckled to himself and then listened with a smile. I begun, talking to Eriol was like taking to a more understanding Tomoyo, like a Syaoran, Sakura and Tomoyo in one.  
  
I've been thinking a lot about Tora ever since I told you what happened to her, she was a really nice cousin. I can't really remember her I can tell you what she looked like and how her life was. Tora was Syaoran and my cousin because her father was Auntie Yelan (Syaoran's mother's) brother's daughter. How she's related to me? Well my mother is Syaoran's mother's fifth cousin. It's all very hard to understand, even I'm not sure how this is works. Only Syaoran's really sure. I'll never forget the day we were told she died and Syaoran was on the verge of death. The whole clan prayed for his safety.  
  
Tora's parents blamed Syaoran's older sister Sheifa and Yoshi for Tora's death. They were also very worried for Syaoran's safety he might have died. It's scary how they both fell into the pond I think Tora fell and accidentally pulled Syaoran in with her. Syaoran was in bed for a month because he developed a fever and it was very high for the first few weeks. Twice we almost lost him, once when he could have drowned with Tora and again on the first week of the fever. His fever tem was in the hundreds and you could have fried an egg on his head.  
  
I sometimes think about what this world would be like if Syaoran had died that day how different life would have been. What could have happened to Sakura? She'd be dead herself by now, maybe the Clow Book wouldn't have been opened.  
  
I still have nightmares about Syaoran's death. More often in fact, I'd die if my loving cousin. It's like losing a brother. Of course Syaoran knows the pain of cousin lose, so do I but the second cousin who died wasn't close to me like he was with Syaoran. Yoshi, Syaoran's favourite cousin who loved him more then any older cousin could.  
  
Yoshi, he is my mother and Syaoran's father's older brother Zyiro's son. Don't ask why he didn't become the Li Clan Leader I'm not sure. I think it had something to do with what he did; I think he killed a bird. (Ryuu Li kept a diary for years. In fact the last entry was the very day he died).  
  
Ryuu was always the more attractive of the two I've seen a picture of them and my mother.  
  
My mother was the little sister of them and for some reason I don't know why she was born with hardly any magic. According to Yelan, I do have some magic but she won't tell me how to use it. She says I have to keep it back.  
  
Anyway my mother told me that Zyiro was always mean to Ryuu.  
  
Ryuu was handsome and Zyiro was getting old after all he was like ten years older then Ryuu and sixteen years older then my mother. He hated Ryuu for his wife, Ryuu was friends with Sakura's mother I'm told. And Zyiro was in love with Yelan but she and Ryuu fell in love and got married. Ryuu was sixteen and Yelan was only fourteen. I think it's sweet.  
  
Zyiro thought he was the better brother when he had a son and Ryuu only had daughters, Sheifa and the twins Fuutie and Feimei. Fanren was born a year later and Syaoran and I weren't born for at least five years more. My mother was only ten at this time, I think?  
  
My mother is called Jinling Li and she married her cousin my dad. She was pregnant with me when she got married and I was born early like Syaoran was. I was three weeks early and Syaoran was a month early. Syaoran's mother was twenty-three when he was born and my mother was only fifthteen the same age Yelan was when she had her first child Sheifa.  
  
"I'm going off the subject aren't I?" I said suddenly. I remember feeling silly, was I repeating myself? I think you know what happened next-  
  
"You're not repeating yourself" Eriol said, he really wanted to know more. Kind of like some little child who was hearing and interesting story. "Your not, your story is very interesting I love a woman that can just talk about their problems, tell her secrets" Eriol told me again. I had to tell him that I felt like he was a nice friend, I mean it wasn't hard but...  
  
"The reason I can tell you this stuff is that I see you as a good friend" I could feel my blush; I'd only known him for like three days!  
  
"Thank you Meiling-Chan, that makes me feel quiet at home with you" Eriol told me. "If you want to say more you can, or if you want to go for a walk that's fine too".  
  
'So sweet' I was thinking to myself.  
  
"Oh well thank you Meiling-Chan" Eriol said after starring into my eyes. He did the mind reading thing! Again! Then the bell rang. Just like yesterday he helped me up and instead of walking away he said, "Hay I'll walk home with you if you want to that is." I nodded and we left the school.  
  
We were on our way through the park when we saw two older boys were hanging around Sakura while she was walking home that way. You know flirting and such. Sakura was trying to get rid of them.  
  
I turned to Eriol and said, "Talk to you later, I have duty calls". He laughed and ran ahead to the end of the park.  
  
I went over to Sakura and said, "Alright guys break it up you know she's Syaoran's girlfriend and she likes being his girlfriend". Sakura smiled when she saw me and nodded strongly at them. The two boys pushed Sakura out of the way into a wall and turned on me. They circled me a few times.  
  
"You Syaoran's cousin ain't ya," one of the boys (Ally) said in a cockney way, "What right have you to butt on me and Harry here? Huh, huh?"  
  
I decided to be smart with them, "You're Syaoran's cousin aren't you" I repeated in stranded English and then said, "And yes I am and also I have every right to butt in with you". Harry grabbed my wrist and pressed me hard against a wall. I remember thinking he was going to attack me. Sakura by now was trying to free me from this grip, but Ally grabbed her and pulled her out of the park.  
  
Harry came closer and closer to me the park was empty except for him and I. I could smell his breath it was horrible, it made me feel sicker then terrified. It didn't acre to me to kick him where it hurts him most. Mind you I couldn't move my legs because he had his legs hard on them. As he pressed harder my chest hurt so much. I couldn't breath and my chest was in a huge pain. Suddenly his arm was at my neck, I really was suffocating.  
  
"Stop... it ... leave me alone!" I tried to yell but it came out in a whisper. Harry seemed to get closer and closer and I was dying as he was taking my air. Suddenly he kissed me very hard, harder then what I've seen Syaoran and Sakura do. When he finally stopped he loosened his grip on me. It must have been hard because I could feel the oxygen rush back into my lungs and it felt like some powerful blow.  
  
"Now, what should I do to you next", Harry asked. I shut my eyes hoping that he would just let me go. I really had got myself into trouble. Last time I try to be smart with a tenth grader.  
  
"Help please help..." I tried to scream but him hand went over my mouth. He really was going to hit me or my be even... I can't even write it.  
  
"Hay you big loser leave my Meiling-Chan alone" a voice yelled out. I rolled my eyes up to try and see. But everything I looked at was black or shadowed or blurry. I was losing oxygen again. "I said get your dirty mucky hands off her you loser" the voice yelled again. Harry pushed me to the ground, I tried to get up but my body wouldn't let me. Oh I felt so weak and feeble. The only movement I could make was my eyes. I opened them to see who this person was and I was shocked to see....  
  
"Eriol?" I remember growing and then my eyes closed and I think I feel asleep because the place I woke up wasn't in the park.  
  
I'm at Eriol's house now. Eriol says he carried me here (Me in his arms!). I woke up in his bed and he came in with a cup of warm milk and honey (Yummy perfect for the ill).  
  
"Meiling-Chan, I'm glad you're awake and safe," Eriol said to me when he handed me that drink. I slipped it once and smiled to him.  
  
"Thanks to you coming and helping me, I was really scared there, it felt like I was going to die" I exaggerated to myself, I better think twice before I think. I'm in the presences of a mind reader. This time I think he read my mind and didn't say it out. Syaoran does that with Sakura.  
  
When I finished my drink and Eriol took the cup from me and hugged me. "I'm so glad you're alright", he said smiling to me then I started crying, "Wait you are alright aren't you?"  
  
I dried my tears and said, "Yeah, I'm fine I've just never had a friend who would jump in and save me and ask me if I'm alright. My over friends never ask me that stuff and they'd never take me to their house and bring me warm milk and honey. You're so sweet Eriol-Kun". And BLUSHED, I have never really made a boy blush from my flattering! He likes me he thinks I'm a friend too! I have a sweet best friend (Besides Tomoyo). At least I thought I was a friend why well I'm about to see that he's a bit of a thoney.  
  
"Hay you better have something to eat, Nakuru made some dinner for all of us" Eriol said smiling down on me. "So are you hungry?"  
  
"Starving to death" I chuckled, 'Oh my God what have I done' I remember thinking 'Oh no he'll read my mind'. Luckily he didn't he was too busy looking out the window.  
  
"Great then! I'll tell Nakuru and Spinel Sun" and Eriol ran out the door leaving me alone in his room. Looking around his room is really big and has a huge window in it. Eriol tells me that his old house was pulled down so they could put that amusement park up. I feel sorry for him.  
  
Then on his bedside I saw a book. I picked it up and looked at the front.  
  
It was his diary!  
  
Just like me he keeps a diary! I must admit I really was tempted to read it but I know I wouldn't want Eriol to read my diary but I've only just started mine. His looked like it had been kept for years. I picked it up and felt frozen stiff. Then I picked you up and picked his up and looked at you both. I've had a habit to read over people's diaries. I've read Syaoran's diary, Sakura's diary and my sister's diary. Sadly Syaoran caught me, reading his was like reading a really good book. I put you down and then was going to put his to one side when I dropped it and a picture came out. I slipped out of the long bed and picked the picture up.  
  
It was a picture of him, it was a black and white picture that looked like what the first pictures looked like and in the picture was a man and woman. Probably his mother and father they were really old in this picture. He told me how he had been alive for years and stayed the same age for years too. How hard watching his friends grow up and die.  
  
His diary was open at a page too; I had to have a look. I mean I had to pick it up. I picked up the diary and had a look at the page. It was very near the end. I noticed that Eriol's diary entries weren't as long as mine could be. It read-  
  
'Dear Diary,  
  
I have had a very strange day, a new girl joined our class. I've seen her before but never really got to talk to her. You know it's that Meiling girl, Syaoran's cousin. She's very cute if you know what I mean.  
  
We talked and from her I found out that my name means God's Lion. I hate to be mean but she's a bit, strange. What she thinks about and things like that what did Syaoran see in her in the first place. I don't blame him for liking Sakura better then Meiling, she not exactly a prize.  
  
I'm thinking that if I become her friend I'll get closer to Tomoyo and Syaoran. Meiling asked me if she (Tomoyo) was my girlfriend, I wish. Too bad Meiling can't read my mind over wise she'd see the truth. If I ask her stuff about Syaoran's family and become her friend I'll get both Syaoran and Tomoyo.  
  
Meiling, that silly girl she seems to already trust me when I called her Meiling-Chan. Silly girl she is.  
  
Anyway I'm talking to her tomorrow see what she will tell me.  
  
That all diary, Eriol  
  
"That great thoney" I cried I put the diary down and picked you up again and now I'm writing this.  
  
He's been using me, like my mother, like my father, like my sister and like everybody else I know. Damn it, I hate him. I'm not telling him anything more about our family and I'm letting him near poor Tomoyo. Wait if Tomoyo wants him she can have him. I'm through with men they all knock me about and use me for there silly stuff.  
  
I'm never getting married. Men I hate them all of them and I'm staying single. I'm never letting another man have me for a friend. I guess now the only man I can depend on is my Syaoran-Kun.  
  
I'm reading his diary enries about me so for now diary,  
  
Love Meiling.  
  
P.S I HATE Eriol! Damn him to hell! Some Clow Reed! I hate him, let him have his charm but I'll letting that b#%8d get to Syaoran or Tomoyo or Sakura none of them!  
  
Lion of God? Ha! Yeah more like Dog of The Devil! 


	3. My mother and friends

Meiling's Diary Continued:  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Okay so let's pick up from where we left off, Eriol is a loser. I hate him, and he hates me. I've just finished dinner from him and I'm waiting for Sakura and Wei to come and pick me up.  
  
I feel so silly trusting Eriol with my secrets. He's probably told nearly fifty people and half of England about my life.  
  
I hate him, why do I trust men? I hate them now; I can't trust them at all. Finding out what he thought about me made he hurt, I thought he might be able to understand me.  
  
Syaoran's right he's not to be trusted.  
  
Sorry this is short diary but I'm too upset to write any more, see I'm tearing the page.  
  
P.S Syaoran's still ill, what if he dies? I know it's silly but I remember what it's like to watch Syaoran dying, gasping for air. Sakura says that she'll find- A Healer to heal poor Syaoran. The Li Clan are telling Wei to bring Syaoran back to Hong-Kong to be with the Li Clan after he has recovered.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Back to school today and I think Eriol has noticed that I have been avoiding him. After what he said about me can you flame me for my hates. Eriol seemed like a nice guy and Tomoyo said so herself in a letter she once sent me.  
  
Eriol did come up to me and asked, "Meiling what have I done to make you feel hurt and tormented?" I told him the truth-  
  
"You did what every over man in this world has done to me, you used me for your own pleasure! But it's alright your just another example of my already pathetic excuse for a life". I ran away from him and I remember looking back on him. He was sitting on a bench writing in that diary of his with a red pen. Never, I remember had he used a black pen in his diary. I know... red for blood.  
  
He's like my mama,  
  
He wishes I were dead.  
  
My mother sent me a letter that she will be coming soon to look after Syaoran and I by order of the Li Clan. The Great Elder Li (Syaoran's and my Great-Grandfather) to bring Wei back a send my mother out to baby-sit us. I don't want my mother babysitting Syaoran. I just know, I have a horrid gut feeling that she will take one look at Sakura and call her a 'A Slutty Tart' or was that me she called a slutty tart?  
  
The Clan believe that they should remove Syaoran from the role of Li Clan Leader. Syaoran mother, my lovely auntie says that she will call everyday to make sure Syaoran and I are well.  
  
I wish Yelan was my mama, Syaoran loves her more then anything. Every since she gave Syaoran life she has loved him and watched him grow with a smile on her beautiful face.  
  
My mother is indeed pretty but she hated me, she was very young when I was born, thirteen or fourteen at the most. But even if you where ten when you had your baby you'd still love it even though it ruined your life. My mother once said to my father- "What was the use of bringing that useless carcass into this world? Going through all my pain and work and what do I get, nothing but a Little Runt".  
  
My mother hates me so much and my father doesn't love me. He doesn't even really like me. When I came out of the womb my mother took one look at me and said to have yelled- "What's the point?"  
  
She makes me feel like she'd have rather miscarried me or if I was stillborn. She did tell me once that she wished I wasn't here. She loves Meiquing, but she hates me. I didn't mean to ruin her life; I really have tried my best to stay away from her over the short fourteen-years I've spent on this planet.  
  
I my mother, can't she give me a brake? But I am blamed-  
  
I ruined her life. Does that give her a right to ruin mine?  
  
All my love, Meiling Li  
  
P.S Syaoran has shown no recovery and Chiharu has been in school for the last few days. Sakura says that if Syaoran dies she will kill herself. I wouldn't mind a bit of that myself but I have to stand high, never give up.  
  
I'm Meiling Li; I am a favourite of the Li Clan for a wife for a Li husband. But no, I might never get married. Only if I'm in love I've decided I will marry.  
  
I must remember I'm a Li girl, though I received my Li name from my pathetic excuse for a mother who... so the Kun Clan says bore a little sow.  
  
Outside I'm happy jumpy and gay (gay as in happy) Meiling Li, but inside no one can see I'm screaming for help to come and save me. I thought Eriol understood me, but he doesn't.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My mother will be here very soon and Wei will be leaving in the morning. I wish he wasn't going; he's one of the few who know my mother terrifies me. I'll miss him and I know Syaoran will too, he has been our guardian for Syaoran, ever since he was born. He's been a carer for me ever since Ryuu Li died and Syaoran and I were matched up.  
  
Sakura round right now, she's on the phone with 'The Healer' right now. I hope he can heal Syaoran. I have to go for now cause Sakura's calling me...she's making dinner.  
  
(10:27) Later on....  
  
It was a nice dinner and my mother has surfaced and she's on her way here now. What will she say when she sees Sakura, what will she do when she sees me? I haven't seen her in months now ever since Syaoran refused to return to Hong-Kong because he's in love with Sakura. I wish I had some one who loved me but. I don't.  
  
My mother's just a block away cause Wei just got a call from her. My fate moves closer and closer...  
  
Meiling Li, 14  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
When my mother arrived I had a shock that, I still wonder. She ran up to me and hugged me and said she missed me. Never has she ever done that. (I bet what she means is 'I missed beating the living daylights out of you')  
  
The over shock I had was what she brought with her; with her was a boy or rather man of the age of seventeen. He was so handsome; he had wavy steel- black hair (Like Eriol's) and deep brown eyes. His name was Tyler.  
  
My mother introduced him to me, "Daughter" (She hardly ever calls me Meiling) "this is Tyler Li, a very far off cousin who lives in Beijing with his family. He will be your new husband and you will marry next year when you a fifteen, daughter".  
  
Me marry him? I don't even know him, when I was a trained wife for Syaoran I had know him for years and given years to learn what he's like. This guy Tyler, I have a year to learn about him.  
  
"It's lovely to meet Mei-Chan" Tyler said in a deep low voice. It reminded me of Sakura's brother Toya's voice.  
  
Mei-Chan? Eriol called me that once, Eriol what's wrong with me? Why can't I forget him why do I feel this way? Why does his name cause me heart to beat fast?  
  
"It's nice to meet you Li" I replied.  
  
"You can call me Tyler-Kun" he replied to me. Tyler-Kun? Why do I feel like Eriol is talking with me? Why can't I stop this Eriol thing? I told my mother and Tyler goodnight and set off to my room when.  
  
"Syaoran's fever is lower now so... oh hello" Sakura said coming out of Syaoran's room. (Oh no) I remember thinking, and it's still echoing though my head.  
  
"Who are you young lady?" my mother asked,  
  
"Sakura" Sakura replied to my mother, her face dropped.  
  
"Your Sakura Kinomoto aren't you?" my mother said in a low cruel voice. Sakura, Tyler and I all looked scared when Sakura was forced to reply-  
  
"Yes ma'am, I'm Syaoran's girlfriend"  
  
My mother looked at Sakura up and down and begun to circle her like a cat getting ready to pounce.  
  
"I see, so you're the Japanese Whore?"  
  
"I'm sorry, what?"  
  
"You're that bitchy Japanese girl".  
  
I ran away. This was horrible I knew this would happen.  
  
I'll talk tomorrow, love Meiling Li 


	4. Understanding Love'

Author: I'm sorry for all the rubbish that's next to some of the words, that's FF.net's fault not mine and I'll try and look into it. I'm really sorry. I have a question for reviewers, if you don't like Tyler can you tell me why?

And remember to have a look at my web site, Sakura and her Cardcaptors World, there's a Meiling shrine!

The Card Witch

(Meiling's Diary Continued)

_Note from Meiling: I've decided to call this entry 'Understand Love' because I'm trying to figger out what's wrong with my loves_.

Dear Diary,

I had a nice start to the day; I woke today to find a briefest tray and Tyler at my bedside. 

Good morning my lady and wife to be Tyler greeted me stroking my hair. It felt so nice and the briefest smelt so nice. I pulled myself up and straight away I got the tray on my lap, Tyler seemed very a float. Maybe he's scared of me? Worried that I won't like him, I do like him but I can't help but feel my heart is elsewhere like I'm missing something.

Thank you Tyler, it was very kind of you" I said, I better get moving I'm on class duty today it was Sakura and Syaoran last time it's my turn now

Sakura as in the girl who cried at you mother last night and has locked herself in Syaoran room Sakura?

Yeah

Whom is it on duty with you My Mei-Chan Tyler asked helping me out of bed? 

"I don't know, might be Tomoyo it usually is" I replied going into the shower room to do my hair and get dressed.

"Would you like me to walk to school with you? I need to get to High School early myself. You're still in Junior High aren't you?" Tyler asked me. I nodded to both things and told him I'd love to walk to school with him. 

Tyler and I walked to school; he's so tall it made me feel like he was my brother rather then my fiancée. I can't believe I only meet him eight hours ago! When we got to the school I turned to him.

"Well I need to get in and do my duties" I said with a smile, Tyler bent down towards my face and kissed me on the lips. I felt that this wouldn't last too long, he'd find someone and I'd once again be put back on the shelf. 

Tyler then whispered with his tong in my mouth, "I love you, I'll meet you here after school". Then removing his tong he walked off. I found myself in a daze that I bumped into someone. 

"Oh sorry" I said,

"It's fine" Toya said looking down on me. Toya is Sakura's brother, I'm not sure I mentioned him. He's homosexual and his boyfriend is his best friend Yukito.

"I've got to get into school," I told him turning towards the gates then he put his hand on my shoulder and said-

"Is Sakura alright? Is the Li all right? Are you alright?" he asked making me face him,

"No, no and no he's really ill" I replied,

"Tell him that dads worried about him and he's wondering if his mother should be informed" Toya said,

"She knows" I replied slowly. Toya then nodded patted me on the head and headed towards the college he's at now. He really worked hard to get the money for it all.

When I got into the school I headed towards the homeroom and you'll never guess who was there on duty with me;

"Eriol?" I questioned as soon as I saw him, he turned around and looked at me making a blush. I'm sure it's fake. "So am I doing the board or the flowers?" I asked, I admit I was a bit cold on words but he deserves it doesn't he?

"Err………you're mad at me so I must ask. Should I call you Li?" he asked in a sad tone and I found myself feeling sorry for him. "I can tell I'm the one who's upset you and back where I live in England we call our friends always by their first name, even our enemies. But you are a Li and I owe you respect and………"

"Li-Chan o……… will be fine, thank you" I snapped back at him, "And don't give me that fake act I know you're only using me………"

"What?" Eriol said interrupting me now, "I'm not using you Li-Chan, why would you think that?"

"I don't care I just know. I read your diary and actually am sorry I did so" I told him and was true I do feel guilty.

Eriol looked at me and smiled to me, "Clever reason, but what I wrote before all that isn't true anymore and I eat those words for I've made an important discovery" he said making a little blush.

I wasn't going along with this-

"Now please Eriol, I may look stupid but I cannot, will not fall for the same trick twice" I told him turning my back to him.

"I'm braver then Syaoran with my emotions and I………" Eriol started, I just looked at him and he blushed more.

"Okay I get it you're sorry and I guess I'll have to forgive you because of all that crap you made up" I snapped. 

Eriol got frustrated and he grabbed me by the arm, "It wasn't a lie and I wasn't saying sorry. Though I am sorry I wasn't just going to remind you of it. What I was trying to say was".

Meiling pulled myself from his and looked away from him.

Eriol mumbled under his breath, I turned around cause I wanted to know what he said about me. "What did you say?" I asked him in an offended manner, I didn't even know that he had said something offensive. He didn't say anything so I just looked away from him and he then put his hand on my shoulder and span me to face him. 

He had a snowstorm in his eyes with melted as my fiery eyes looked back. His bluish-Grey eyes looked desperate to cry and my heart felt that sharp shooting pain in the heart. I was feeling sorry for him and my heart was beating fast and I felt that feeling you get downstairs and in my innards. What's wrong with me is he charming me? 

No, it's cause I fared of him I'm sure.

"Li-Chan, I don't know what you're doing to me, but I'm sure that ever it is a spell you have willingly cast on me. I have a need for you and I have never felt this way. I can't fight it, please don't forget how I feel- there are millions of men who love you". Then he let me go and walked over to the flowers and put them in the vase. 

Had said what I thought he had said, had he said something, which I don't dare write down? Well it was a nice try Eriol but I'm not stupid and I wasn't going to fall for all this rubbish, again, no matter how flattering it is.

Eriol didn't talk for the rest of the day, at least not with me. I spent my day with Tomoyo because both Sakura and Syaoran were off. Syaoran's still ill after a week and a half and Sakura is looking after him since my mother has work in the day. I wonder what Sakura and Syaoran do when no ones at home and Syaoran's not ill. 

I was talking to Tomoyo about Tyler, she told me that after all I've been through with Syaoran (I haven't told her about Eriol), and I should have Tyler. 

"He sound like a nice kind of man, I hope you hold onto him" Tomoyo told me at lunchtime. We decided to eat together since we both wanted to talk about stuff. "But what I don't understand is Hiiragizawa-kun".

I looked to her and said, "What do you mean?"

"We you two seemed to be getting on like a house on fire" Tomoyo said, "I never would have thought you two would become good friends. People in the class thought I'd be with Eriol very soon" Tomoyo said. She made me feel like a fool again. "But let me tell you" she continued, "I would never fall for someone who tried to kill me, not to say the whole world".

I looked at her and said-

"I know that, for a short period of time he did like you……… but now I don't know. I think he's in love with Kaho-sensei", I told her. Tomoyo nodded and I kept talking, "I think the reason you don't like him in that way is because he's too much like you. I mean you look the same, you act the same and your really lady-like, unlike me".

Tomoyo shook her head, "No Meiling, you're a sweet and kind woman and regardless of what ever happened to you with Eriol, if it was him who blew it he's lost a pretty wonderful woman".

Oh dear sweet Tomoyo-Chan, my dear and only friend. She always looks after me, healing my broken heart, my bleeding wand. Maybe she was ment to be my only friend.

"When I think about it Meiling, I think you would me a wonderful wife to Tyler, but I have to say that I think you'd make a better wife for Eriol then ten of me" Tomoyo started.

"Why? You guys have so much in common and………" I started but she hit me with-

"So much in common? TOO MUCH IN COMMON! But you are right for him!" Tomoyo snapped in her cute high-pitched voice, it sounded like she was yelping!

"What how? Eriol and I don't have a blind thing in common", I told her.

"Yes you do!" Tomoyo told me

"Okay name one thing we have in common", I told her.

" I can name five things. You look right with him, you understand magic, you can help him, you're a fighter just like Eriol and can fight by his side and finally you're a Li and he's a recantation of Clow Reed so you are also of the same family which I think is important"

I was confused, "Same family?" 

"Yes you're a Li and Clow Reed was a Li. Remember what you learnt in your history lesion on the Li Clan" Tomoyo remained me. Then her face dropped, "Oh I'm sorry Meiling I forgot you're going to marry Tyler when you are grown".

I had almost forgot about Tyler, I was going to marry him next year. What would Tomoyo say to that?

"Err……… we're getting married next year" I said quietly,

"What? But you just meet him!" Tomoyo shrieked, "This is crazy". The bell went before I could answer.

I nodded, Tyler was older then me too. Syaoran had been younger then me by a few months. Eriol? Oh, his birthday is 23rd of March, just a few days before me. Arise and Arise, they say that they match. But they don't, not me and Sakura and not me and Eriol we hate each other. I know that.

After school I was leaving the classroom when four-eyes ran after me and stopped me in the corridor. 

"Last time this happened you saved me, you're now attacking me?" I said in a clever voice.

I could see he didn't think much of what I said, and once again I felt pushing against me. Like before I tried to kick him off me since it's what I'm known for. I tried but something was holding me in place.

"Your using magic, you're being un-fair!" I cried to him, "Please let me go, I need to meet Tyler".

"Who's Tyler?" Eriol asked moving away from me.

"My fiancée, I met him last night when my mama came here," I told him, trying not to say too much.

"You're mother! Well she hasn't hurt you has she?" Eriol said in a worried way. 

"I'm not stupid or dense like some, and I know you care nothing for me or what happens to me" I said, and I tried to push again but the magic kept me back. "You looser let me go", I snapped looking into his cruel grey eyes. I didn't know what to do. 

"Tyler's your fiancée? Chosen for you, nice?" he said reading my mind. I nodded and then when I looked at him again his eyes seemed to cloud over like a storm was about to open, drenching the village below with rain.

I could stand it anymore, magic or no I had to get away from him. I started to pull my body towards his to push him off. Eriol tried to shove me back but I still pushed towards him. My breasts started to ace and my heart was leaping out of my rib cage. Eriol's eyes looked shocked when, finally…

I shoved him of me and without thinking, dashed away. Eriol got up and then yelled to me, "Do you love him?"

What could I say? No, which is the truth. I just replied-

"I only met him a few hours ago"

Eriol looked at me and said, "You don't do you, maybe you will in time. But until that happens there is someone who I know"

I didn't understand and I still don't, "What rubbish are you talking now?" I asked with a cry.

"There is someone I know, who loves you" and when he said this Iran. 

Is this true, does someone love me?

**Love Meiling******


	5. The Kiss

Note from Meiling: This is a part of my diary I call 'The Kiss' because of the last moments of this part of my diary. Everything in this part is about friendship. And remember keep your life going.

                                                            - Meiling Li

Very early in the morning, it's around 2:00 am

Dear Diary,

I thought about Eriol a lot last night and him image was in my dreams. My dream had Syaoran in it at first, Syaoran was dying and I could only watch as Sakura wept. The dream made me scared and feeble. But then I saw a pale hand take mine and hand me a peony (Syaoran's favourite flower). When I looked to see who it was I remember seeing a woman of her mid-thirties. Syaoran's mother my Sweet Auntie Yelan.

Then in her kind and sweet voice said in my ear, "Remember your magic and remember, someone loves you". Then she was gone and Sakura's weeping faded away. I looked to Syaoran and lay the flower on Syaoran and put my hand on the flower. Then I saw a hand on my hand, when I tried to turn around but I could (I my mind) picture the face I saw. I've forgotten but I know it was a boy and I remember what he said. He said-

"I will always own you, have you, and possess your dreams. Here you will always be mine" and then everything glowed and I woke up. 

I wanted to keep record of my dreams in you since I can't tell anyone.

Good night, Meiling

Dear Diary- 4: 34

I can't get back to sleep and I was woken by a heart stabbing scream. It must have been mother since she didn't storm out to the lead of the cry. She did yelp when she had nightmares. I remember once when I was younger, mother did this and it woke dad and they started yelling at each other. Then Meiquing woke up. She was only one and I wanted to stop her, so I got her out of her cot and rocked her from side to side.

Three minutes later, mother came in and thought the reason Meiquing was crying was because I'd woken her. So my mother grabbed me by one of my pigtails and pulled me a way from Meiquing. 

She pulled me out Meiquing's bedroom and pulled me still by my hair. Before I knew it I was in mother and father's room and my mother now picked me up by my hair. Lifting me from the ground. She then dropped me on the floor and slapped me three times round the face. I didn't cry, at this time, I didn't know how to cry.

My father used to abuse me too. Mother hit me and father touched me. He would stick up for me in some fights, but I still hated him, he said that he loved me, but I don't know what love in a parent is. He scares me mother and father like Meiquing but not me.

Last night was a nightmare in and out of sleep. Mother yelled at me for putting too much sugar in Syaoran's hot chocolate, he's still sick and we hope he'll come round if we give him a reason to wake. Mother said I was a useless housewife and she asked me how do I expect to be a good wife to Tyler if I'm a clutts who can't do anything right. 

Hey, I'm no Michelle Thither I know but Tyler isn't Brad Pitt. We both have our floors don't we? 

I can't help but think that Tyler's too old for me, I'm only fourteen and he's almost eighteen. I can't see myself walking the wedding match with Tyler at my side. I can't see our children; I can't see anything with Tyler. 

All I see is a stranger………

Romance is nothing in this family. The elders find you a match, tell your parents and married at a very young age. Some are even married at thirteen like with Syaoran's mother my auntie Yelan. 

Yelan was in love with Ryuu and I believe he was too. My grandmother from my mother's side once told me how foolish this was but I love the story of Syaoran's parents. Ryuu Li was sixteen when he married Yelan and she was only thirteen. (And you thought Sakura's mother was young). 

Ryuu and Yelan married in the same year that Sakura's parents did. Syaoran's father was around the same age as Sakura's mother was (Which is very common) and Yelan was my age or younger. 

I think it goes that, Yelan Li and Ryuu Li, both where of the Li family but Yelan was of the Reed family and Ryuu Li was of the Li Clan elders. 

At first, Ryuu Li was betrothed to another cousin, I think her name was Umeko Li and Yelan was going to marry Ryuu's very old brother Shiro. When Ryuu was only thirteen I found out that Umeko had been plotting with the Kun Clan to murder my grandfather, Ryuu's father, so she was beheaded. I know it's horrid but it isn't murder, killing evil magicians is the only was to stop them

Now I think, at a family festival, Yelan was only eleven and Ryuu was fourteen (My age). When they meet each other they fell in love with each other. Yelan was still betrothed to Shiro, Yelan begged the elders to let her marry Ryuu. But they said that she must marry the Li Clan Leader. 

But when Yelan was twelve and Ryuu was fifthteen, Shiro Li killed an animal and the great elder had him removed from the Li Clan Circle. This is a really bad thing. Since Ryuu was the next oldest and the great elder liked him the most, Ryuu was named the Chosen One.

With in a year he was the Li Clan leader when his father died. His mother had been dead for years, she died giving birth to my mother.

Now that I think about it, maybe that's why my mother neglects me. Or maybe it's cause she was worried she'd die giving birth to me, but I haven't killed her. I've been on this earth fourteen years and I'm deader then she is. I'm damaged on my legs, arms and brews on my back and all I have to say after all these years of abuse?

I'm okay, I've lived fourteen years and I'm still here and I'm going to keep going.

Dear Diary,

School has seemed to change since Eriol told me someone loved me. Tyler has made sure that I got to school, and everyone seems to interrupt when I try to ask Eriol the question that nags at the back of my head. 

Who loves me?

I asked Tomoyo what she thought; she said that maybe he ment Tyler. But how could that be? I had only just told Eriol who Tyler was, no way he ment Tyler. He's never seen him, Tomoyo has never seen him! Maybe I should introduce them sometime, I don't know. I can't think straight! 

I can concentrate at school, since the teacher put me in Tomoyo's seat and put her at the front of the class next to Harrison I have Eriol staring at the back of my head. Yesterday he was playing with my long black hair. When I was sitting eating on the bench I looked to my right and he was spying on me from up a tree, smiling. 

He's stalking me! Why, why would he want to watch me? Tomoyo was stalking me once, but she stopped when I asked her why. I knew anyway, since she was video taping her independent study project, I was her model. Her project was called- 'The Documentary of My Best Friend'.

I wondered why she wasn't stalking Sakura and Syaoran, she said 'Because we did them last time!'

Of course! Silly me, (Being sarcastic!)

Now I think again, Eriol said his diary that he likes Tomoyo, why isn't he making a move on her? And why stalk me when you like someone else? I say, Eriol is a weird, twisted mama's boy who goes his own sweet way. He is a British Charm, but he probably uses to hitch a ride. (Going with girls wise).

What's with my obsession with Eriol? Why is my every diary entry about what he's done? Maybe it's cause most of my day; Eriol is doing something that makes the main headline of my day. But now he's making me feel uneven, or in other words, he's not acting like… well Eriol.

Why Eriol? Why! Syaoran's illness is still great and he's really ill. The doctors coming soon, what will happen to dear Syaoran? Is there a cure to the pain he's going through?

God I hope and pray there is… he's one of the two men in my life who I can depend on to help me. If he dies this time, I don't think I'll live much longer myself with my mother here.

God help Syaoran get passed this, and if God must take him, then protect me from my mother or take me too.

Love Meiling Li

Dear Diary,

We where told he was going to die,

Syaoran couldn't be saved he was going to die. I couldn't believe he's not going to be here, 'he's going to die' rushing through my head. Sakura's refusing to leave his side and therefore is still not coming to school.

When I told Tomoyo, I cried and Tomoyo cried like me and we through us into each other's arms. This attracted others attention but only one had the guts to ask me what was wrong, I'm sure you know who it was,

"Meiling, what's wrong?" Eriol asked me,

"Syaoran he's dying" I said through my violent tears when we where away from Tomoyo and out of public sight. 

Eriol looked like he was going to cry too, but he held it back I could tell. Then as I cried Eriol took my hand and led me to one of the benches and sat me down next to him. And then he put his arm round me and pulled me towards his chest. Then he started rocking me from side to side. I felt his heart beating with worry like mine, but faster. I still cried and cried in his arms and my tears made his school top very wet as I sobbed more.

"Calm down Li-Chan, calm down, I can help you… if you let me" he whispered in my ear. I looked up to him; my eyes must have been red and horrid because my eyes felt sore from the all my salt-water tears. But Eriol just looked at me with a kind face and he gave me 'It'll be just fine' look. "Don't cry Li-Chan", he said again.

Something in me made me forgive him from my insult, maybe he had changed his opinion on me, maybe this was another trick to get round me. I don't know, but at that time I'd do anything to save Syaoran. Even do sins like murder, steal or adultery against Tyler to save his life he has too much to leave behind? I'd give my own life.

"If you can save him, please do… Eriol-Kun" I said, and then I realized, I'd called him Eriol-Kun. He looked as surprised as I.

"What?" he asked,

"Please save him Eriol-Kun. And… you can call me Meiling-Chan now, I'm not mad at you any more" I told him. Eriol's eyes seemed to shine from cruel grey to river blue.

Then without a warning, Eriol pressed his warm lips on my forehead and helped me up.

When we came back here mother was out and Tyler was in Syaoran's room with Sakura. When we came into the room I was holding Eriol's hand, this made Tyler react with a frown.

"Who's this… person", Tyler asked with a note of disgust,

"He's a friend from school, and he can help" I told Tyler but Tyler didn't take kindly to Eriol's smile when I stuck up for him.

"Oh and what can this chirpy do?" Tyler asked. I didn't know, but Eriol took it from here.

"I am the Clow and I have the power to save lives of those who have no reason of death, I only save Li's if there is a reason or if I'm asked by someone special or both" Eriol said giving Tyler a serious look and specking in a formal voice.

Sakura looked up from her tears, "Eriol-San?"

Eriol and I came closer to Syaoran; his face was paler the Tomoyo's skin and he was breathing hard and deep. 

Eriol went into his pocket and pulled out a Chinese peony and placed it on Syaoran's heart. I felt like I had seen this before. Then Eriol pulled my hand to touch the peony and then he placed his hand on top of mine. 

"We have to do this together", Eriol told me, then he started saying things, and I think it was in English but I don't really understand English much. Then the room glowed and the peony Eriol and I were holding glowed and the pink light seemed to seek into Syaoran's chest and then the room went back to normal.

"That's it?" I asked, Eriol nodded,

"It should be, he should be talking to you by tomorrow and he will fit to go back to school by the end of the week" Eriol told me. Tyler just looked at the peony, it was now shrived and dead. Sakura cried with Joy and though herself onto Syaoran's chest and hugging him laughing and in joy.

I felt the darkness in my heart lift and my relief seemed to race through it. The feeling was pleasuring and wonderful, but I could only look to Eriol who looked back to me with a small blush.

He had just saved my cousin's life. I owed him Syaoran's life; I owed him a life of a human being. I through my arms round him with tears of joy almost as happy as Sakura's.

"Oh Eriol, thank you, I can't believe what you did" I said with my arms round his neck. He looked at me with a deep blush and told me that we did it and it was all down to us.

Eriol then hugged me back and I did something that I never thought I'd do to Eriol. 

I kissed him, right on his lips, I felt their warmness again only it felt more twinge then him kiss on my forehead. Eriol seemed confused but then he seemed to kiss back and this kiss went on for three seconds (Like a year in kissing). Then I pulled away and all he could say was, "I just hope this saving Syaoran proves to you how sorry I am I insulted you" Eriol said with his arms still round my body, "Saving Syaoran was a pleasure to do, but not a pleasuring as that kiss".

Then he let go of me and said before leaving, "I hope we're friends again" and he left. 

He's not as much as a rat I thought he was, but still, in side me. I will never forgive the first few weeks of lying to me about being a friend. Maybe he still feels the same way, but this was defiantly the day, we renewed our friendship and saved a friend too.

Meiling Li

P.S Eriol was your messiah God, thank you!****


	6. The Wife?

Notes From Meiling: The Wife or The Whore, is the name and that's the game.

Dear Diary,

I can tell Tyler was upset about that kiss I gave Eriol, but it wasn't that big or deal. Was it? Maybe it looked bigger then it felt, I mean kissing Eriol is no big deal, is it? I would have kissed Tomoyo if see had saved Syaoran… I don't know what wrong with me, I think, honestly that I'm gaining a slight crush on him. (Eriol I mean)

It probably cause we kissed, it'll be gone by the end of the week and I'm really good at covering it up so Eriol won't even notice. Just act normally, no one will see, if my mother did she'll freak to high hell; she doesn't believe love is important.

But I'm not in love with anyone, as I sad; I will never let any man have me fully. Tyler is probably the man who will ever have me. Body and soul, though I wish he wouldn't, I never wanted to marry after what happened to Syaoran. And if I were ever to marry, I'd want it for love.

I was talked to Tomoyo about what she thought about love, she told me that she thought it was the most important thing in the world. I do too, I've always wanted to be loved by someone but I know that will never happen. I'll marry Tyler give him sons and then he'll probably, knowing my luck, get divorced. By the time he's done with me, I'll be an old woman who has just been tossed around.

Tomoyo says that Tyler sounds to nice to do something like that. Then I found myself asking about marriage and family life.

"I hope you don't mind my asking but, how did your parents meet?" I asked, I know Tomoyo doesn't like to talk about her dad but she didn't like to keep things hidden.

She told that they met when her mother was doing something in New York and her father was washing the windows. When one day, he fell onto her balcony. Tomoyo sad that they married soon after and had her. Tomoyo went on to say that when she was six, her dad left her mother and then was sent to prison for murder.

Then Tomoyo cried, and said "And till this day, I'm so ashamed of him and I wish I wasn't part of him". 

I hugged her and said, "At least you have a kind and loving mother who loves you, feeds you and who will do anything to protect you. I have none of that", when I realized I said that I knew that once again I was going to tell someone about my child abuse.

"At home, my mother and father have always hated me and they would yell at me, push me, hit me, beat me and use me as a doll for there wants and family ambitions" I told her. Tomoyo stopped crying, never I believe in her life did she think one of her friends would be a victim of child abuse? "They never hurt Meiquing though".

"Who's Meiquing?" Tomoyo asked,

"My little sister" I told her. I don't remember telling her I had any siblings. 

"You have a little sister? I always thought you where an only child" Tomoyo said, her crying had come to a halt.

I just told her more about Meiquing and my mother and then I asked if we could change the subject. I bet she was wondering why neither Syaoran nor I said anything. I've made Syaoran promise not to tell anyone, but Syaoran doesn't know that she once or rather a few times hit him too. But it was always a blow to the head so he'd forget.

I bet I've been hit many more times then I can remember, my mother's really a hard blower. I guess I got my physical strength from her. 

Maybe she was wondering how someone like me, a strong fighter, would stand for a mother like her. Some people wonder why I don't fight back but, if your mother were just as good at fighting as you, you wouldn't talk her. If you say yes, you really don't know my mother. She will hit you so hard if you try and hit her.

Tomoyo's father maybe in prison, I bet he loves Tomoyo. But neither of my parents likes me, but I'm not sure if I hate them. You may think you hate your mother or father but you don't really, in side you love them.

"Your little sister sounds rather nice, but you don't get to see her a lot right?" Tomoyo asked,

"Yeah, I guess she thinks I'm a stranger" I said,

"How can you stand for your mother? Why didn't you cry when you told me? I cried over my father's shame" Tomoyo asked her patting my sholder.

"When it comes to my mama, I don't know how to cry, when I'm hurt by her," I told her. Tomoyo was horrified by what I showed her, a huge brews on my back. It had been there for years, it wasn't as much a brews as it was a scar.

"Oh for God's sake you have to tell the N.S.P.C.C (National Society to the Protection to the Cruelty of Children)" Tomoyo said rubbing it, when she touched it, it made me jolt.

"No please, if I tell them something back will happen. You are not to tell anyone," I remember crying and begging her to keep this to herself. Tomoyo reluctantly said yes and walked off to talk with Rika. I trust that no one will know.

I decided to go on a walk myself. I passed by Sakura, she's back since Syaoran's woken up and walking around.

Syaoran, as only just realized that my mother is looking after us. I can see his fear.

As I kept walking, Eriol came up behind me and turned around. He smiled.

"I'm sorry about that kiss," I said with a blush, but I can cause it not to show.

"Oh no, I don't mind. We are friends again right?" Eriol asked giving me a smile.

"Yes, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for what you did for Syaoran"

"Yes, I've been thinking a lot about what happened and… well I have… something I have to tell you" Eriol said with a smile. I nodded and asked what was it. He held breath in and said 'I' but then Sakura and Tomoyo came up to us.

"Eriol, Sakura told me everything you did and I just want you to know that, we are great full", Tomoyo said with a float in her voice. 

Mind you, she always walks around like she's high on sugar half the time. I do too!

"Oh yeah thank you Tomoyo and Sakura, your really nice to say that and I'm really great full" Eriol said quickly.

"So what's up?" I asked with a smile, I think.

"Haven't you heard, there's a dance coming up and you've got to get a date", Tomoyo said with a beam. Eriol nodded with not a sound of excitement. 

"So I guess you and Syaoran will be going together right Sakura?" I asked her. Sakura nodded and blushed but then she looked to Eriol.

"He will be okay by the dance right?" she asked, "It's next week on Friday"

Eriol nodded kindly, "He'll be back to his… kicking self, it's almost sure". I nodded and Sakura's face begun to glow with happiness.

"I guess Yamazaki and Chiharu, Rika and Tereda, Naoko saying home with a book?" Eriol asked with a smile. Then Eriol looked back to me and smiled, "And I bet you will be with Tyler, right?" I really didn't want to go but when Tyler hears about this I bet I'll end up with him.

Eriol then turned to Tomoyo, "Are you staying home?"

"If no one asks me" Tomoyo said, looking to everyone with a flatter of the eyes. Eriol nodded.

"Well thank you for telling us Tomoyo and Sakura" Eriol said, "But I want to talk to Meiling," he said patting my sholder. 

I nodded, and walked away with him to the front of the school near the statue. "What is it Eriol?" I asked him. Eriol adjusted his glasses and a gulped in air.

"It's something I have to tell you… It's about…" Eriol begun,

"Mei-Chan!" I turned around to see Tyler was there. He came up to us a looked at Eriol with a worried face and then at me with a smile. "Mei dear, Syaoran he's up and walking a lot now. He ate his favourite food and the doctor is amazed at his recovery, he says he'll be strong enough to go back to school Wednesday next week"

I smiled, "Great then he'll be able to come to the dance with Sakura". Tyler nodded and then looked at Eriol with his black eyes, "And Eriol… I am sorry about what I said and, I'm sorry". 

Eriol made a slow nod and all I could do is smile. I was glad that Tyler didn't seem to be badmouthing Eriol.

"Well I'll see you in class" Eriol said with a sadden voice.

"Okay Eriol, I'll see you in class" I replied, I felt really sorry for him. "But what about what you wanted to tell me?" I asked. 

Eriol turned back, "Hay, don't worry I'll tell you next time I see you" and then he ran off leaving me with Tyler.

I looked to Tyler to see anger in his eyes, how did I know that this would end in tears. "What's the deal with that looser?" Tyler asked. It wasn't like Tyler to insult people like that.

"Oh Tyler, Eriol is a really nice kid and I like him. He's a good friend," I told Tyler picking up my bag.

"Oh I get it, you love him and your going to dump me so you can run off to Europe with that British Chippie and then my family will have to look for someone for me" Tyler said quickly then he grabbed me and forced me to sit down. "Now you listen Missy, you and I will go to this dance and we will make no contact with him at all".

I was furious Tyler couldn't order me around. He's not my mother, he's just Tyler and I have not an intention to do as he tells me. He can pound dirt.

"Tyler, I will do what ever the hell I want and your not going to stop me! I'm your fiancée," I reminded him. Tyler's face came over red with furry and he slapped both hands on my shoulders and shocks me really hard. I still feel dizzy.

"You are MY Fiancée! And as my wife to be you will obey me!" Tyler yelled in my face. I forced myself up so he lost grip on me. I stormed off to class but behind me I heard Tyler say to me, "No matter was you go, no matter what you'll do, your mother and I will find you"

These words have stuck in my head; it made me feel like a trapped bird. I can't fly I'm grounded.

I guess Tyler is just mad at me because I had kissed Eriol. I don't know why but, if I was still with Syaoran and he had kissed someone else, I'd be upset.

But still, when I'm married to him, I've just realized that I won't be a free bird but a locked up one. They're to produce children and obey Tyler. Honour him with body and soul, how can I make such vows when I know I may not keep them. 

When I got into class no one would speck with me because I fear they may have seen us. They were talking behind my back, what if Tomoyo couldn't keep her mouth shut. They might know that hyper Meiling Li is really beaten to death by her mother and father and that her little sister is mean to me too.

If they knew both, they all see me as white trash; she's the unwanted one. Only Eriol smiled at me, and that was once. Eriol must feel insulted by Tyler. Mind you I think Tyler feels insulted by Eriol.

But I don't care what Tyler thinks of Eriol or what Eriol thinks of Tyler. Any man, I feel, can pound dirt where her I love them or hate them I'm worth not a piece of tin foil.

When I got home I saw Syaoran sitting in the seat in front of the window, asleep. I felt his forehead and it was rather high, I had to admit I was a little worried. Syaoran had never been this sick since Tora's death.

As I watched him sleep, I can't help but think that he's still the one I love. But I can't hate him and Sakura, I really love to see them together and it makes me feel happy. But though this makes me happy, I want someone to love me, and I need some to love too. 

I have lots of love and it's going to waste on Tyler. Syaoran was great full when he was mine, but Tyler just sees me as a woman who can be his personal baby producer. After the way he talks to me right now.

Suddenly as I watched Syaoran store he was shaking and tossing his head about.

Syaoran looked like he was drowning, he must be dreaming about Tora's death. I watched him struggle and kick this made me back away. Then Sakura came in.

"Meiling? What wrong with him?" Sakura cried through running up to him. "Is he dreaming?"

"He's dreaming about a time that he almost died, it happens all the time when Syaoran's ill. He dreams of them who are dead" I told her. Sakura started to panic, and she was going to cry. "Sakura don't cry! He will wake up when that part of his life has passed. He should be safe soon," I told her. Sakura, looked at me.

"He's still shacking, is he cold?" Sakura asked feeling his shaking hand. Sakura put her hand on his forehead, "He's freezing!" she exclaimed. I didn't understand.

"How can that be? I just felt his forehead, he was hot" I told her. Sakura's green eyes looked like stained glass, she looked at me with horror in her eyes.

"Should we wake him up?" Sakura asked me. Before I could answer, Syaoran started specking in his dream.

"………*Cough*……… *Cough*……… father? Is that… you?" Syaoran said. At father, Sakura and I froze Syaoran suddenly stopped kicking and were still for a while. 

With Syaoran like this, I wish his mother was here or Wei. They cared enough to believe that him having these dreams ment something.

"Meiling, w…what's wrong with him?" Sakura said with fear. I looked and he seemed to be vibrating. Not shaking but vibrating, my heart felt like there was a freezing stone in it. I was so scared; these dreams were doing something to his mind.

I knew what was wrong. He was having a fit. "He's having a fit", I told Sakura. She looked at me and almost screamed out with pain. She had to calm down, it happened a lot when Syaoran was ill.

"Keep quiet, this happens all the time before he wakes up" I said putting my hand over Sakura's mouth. Sakura nodded and we waited.

Finally, Syaoran's eyes shoot open and he seemed to gasp for air. Sakura smiled and laid her head on his chest, she looked up to meet his eyes and she kissed him tight on his lips.

"Sakura? Meiling? I was dreaming again, this time I saw father and I saw Tora. I was drowning" Syaoran said. Sakura was still all over him. Syaoran looked at me and smiled, "I'm okay now, I think I might need a lie down in bed". I nodded and Sakura helped him up and I went into the kitchen to get him his favourite thing when he's sick. 

Milk and honey, his father gave it to him when he was a baby. Since he was born early he needed to stay strong so he had to drink milk all the time but he never gained a pound. At birth he weighed what a bag of sugar weighs, maybe less. And when he was two he had a nasty cold, so his father gave him the milk and honey.

When I got into his room Sakura was sitting near the bed talking to him. I handed her the cup and left her to it.

I came straight here to my room and lay on my bed thinking about what had happened today. As I recalled it all, I've been writing it right now in you. 

I find myself thinking about Eriol again and how he really wanted to tell me that thing. What if has something to do with Syaoran?  Maybe, Eriol has a crush on Tomoyo and is going to ask me, nicely, to help him. Now I've got over the silly little girl thing.

But it still hurts to think of Eriol and me reading his diary. I still even feel bad about the whole reading his diary. Now I think about it, I was knocked out for a while after Harry and Ally attacked me, has he read my diary?

I guess it's only fair if so, but this is really personal, if he had read what I'm about to tell you or anything about what happened after he left me with Tyler. Anyone would take this to the police and use it as evidence and I'd be sent back to dad is hit on by him and his friends. Then after they read that, both Meiquing and I would go to a care home and Yelan wouldn't know what to do to get care on me.

When my mama came home Tyler had a talk to her and then, she called me to her. I walked slowly cause I knew in myself what was going to happen, but I can't forgive mama for what she did to us tonight. I was still writing in you so I carried you to see my mother, she wouldn't know you're a diary, surly?

"Who is this boy Tyler tells me about?" She asked me as I walked to her, shaking with fear. But I stood tall and hid it.

"My friend" I replied looking to the shiney wooden floor. She clipped me round the ears to gain my attention.

"He's more then that isn't he? Meiling you fool look at me NOW" mother screamed at me.

I looked my mother straight in the eyes with our matching red eyes. She used them on people to burn through their souls. But mine do the same. She could burn through me, not today. Remember, you can't burn fire.

"Eriol Hiiragizawa is my friend, he understands me cause no one else does" I told her. She looked at me with anger.

"You love him, you're his lover and you let him… you tell what I do, bad mouth me your mother", she screamed in my face, "You are planning to rid yourself of Tyler, then your family but that's not going to happen. You're my daughter, you will marry Tyler is it be the death of you. Why let yourself be a foolish boy's whore?" she told me. I was nothing, I was her Chinese doll that she tossed around. I looked at her, I'm sure with my greatest anger and told her.

"Eriol is my friend, no man nor Tyler himself have yet taken my virginity. I live by the Li Clan's law by my own life's risk. I believe that I am at my strength a pure woman. But any day mother dear… after the way Tyler spoke to me today, I would rather be Eriol's whore then Tyler's wife" I said this clearly. My mother's fists tightened and she punched me in my cheek.

"Auntie Jinling, leave her alone!" Syaoran cried, I looked up and saw Syaoran weakly stagger out of his room. Mother looked at him with the same face as me.

"Syaoran leave here now, or you will follow her" she said, my mother was at her illness craziness if she dared touch Syaoran, what would happen. I don't know.

But I don't know what came over me, I hit her, my mother and I cried, "If you touch Syaoran his mother has the right to remove you from our care!" I saw mother walk round the room looking tormented.

"Please, I feel ill and I don't know what I'm doing please will you go to sleep Meiling and Syaoran you shouldn't be up you ill, don't you want to get better" she asked. Then Tyler came through, "She's right, Syaoran should be in bed as for you Meiling, we should deal with this tomorrow, you need sleep too" Tyler told us. He with strength picked Syaoran up and carried him to his bed, mother colapst onto the sofa and I slowly staggred to my room, with you under my arm.

I'm to tiered to write on how I feel, but I know that I now have a large brews on my cheek, and that feels horrid,

Good night and farewell until tomorrow Meiling Li 


	7. Thoughts

Note from Meiling Li: I called this part of my diary- 'Thoughts'. I'm not sure why it just came to my mind as I went over the whole diary

Note from The Card Witch: Thank you for all the reviews! I'm drawing a picture of Meiling's mother soon and I'll post it onto my web site. Please visit it cause I really love people who visit all three of them. I have a Meiling Shrine and I'm setting up a special part of it deticated to this story. I also want to say sorry about this chapter being so short, 

Dear Diary,

Mother didn't make breakfast for me this morning, she's still angry about the hitting her. But I think the other thing is what I said, that I would rather be someone's whore then Tyler's wife. But I think that it was whom whore I'd rather be.

I'm not even sure that it was true. I'd rather be someone's wife or not be married at all. If I don't end up getting married to Tyler then I think I want to live in America, maybe Hawaii and work on the beach. I'd love to live in free spirit, or maybe go and live in the U.K, nah Hawaii cause it's like Kawaii with an 'H'.

All mother can do is look through an old box that she had brought with her. It has all her things from when she was younger. She seems to be looking for something, which I don't know of.

Today a woman came round and fitted my wedding dress; it's a chosen colour of a Chinese dress red with spangles. My father is seeing everything else; I don't care what the wedding looks like it something else I'm worried about.

At school everyone is looking at me all funny, and talking about me behind my back. Tomoyo is telling everyone things about what I told her and I think I know why, she's decided she likes Eriol after all. But why hurt me? Why? It's unlike Tomoyo to be so cruel to her friends, she sees me a new rival. A dangerous rival who must be extinguished quickly, but I never had anything to call my own. I'm not saying Eriol belongs to be, but if he doesn't feel the same way as I do and he likes Tomoyo, though I would be hurt again as long as he'd still help me and be my friend. I will be happy. Tomoyo won't let me make contact with him.

I really miss him, Tomoyo when ever Eriol and I pass each other, drags him away and no one will talk to me. Harry even boxed me in my ears; kids even Sakura, Naoko, Rika or Chiharu won't talk to me. All the girls with boyfriends are keeping them away from me, what do they think I am a whore. Yes I did yell it out but only mother, Syaoran and Tyler heard it.

Syaoran wouldn't tell anyone, mother doesn't even know my friend and Tyler only knows Eriol. I guess someone made that bit up.

I feel so sad about myself and wish that I didn't really have a place on this Earth, but still I go on everyday. The world seems to hate me, all of them seem to look at me and say 'That's Meiling, the outsider'. Why can't anyone see that I have to cry in secret, I'm the villain and now Tomoyo sees me as the girl who messes Sakura and Syaoran (But I helped her put them together didn't I?) Or now her and Eriol, but Eriol doesn't like her in that way, he doesn't like me in that way. Well I can't help being here but I AM! I was made for a joke by my friends and made a villain by the word around me, but I'm not. I am Meiling Li who tried to keep Syaoran, but at this time he was the only thing I had and one of the only people I could depend on. My auntie is miles away, my crazy mother replaced the second person I could look up to and Syaoran is freaked about the whore thing. People tend to look at me a spit on me; I'm not worth anything,

I talk to no one today apart from you and I haven't spoken a word even when my wedding dress was fitted Tyler did all the talking. Well he's already seen me in a wedding dress; I guess he's getting bad luck on the wedding day. I might be dead by then. I don't to live too much longer if this is to be my life, not specking or having a friend to listen. The most I have is a diary, which I can tell what I'm going through. 

Anything I told Eriol you know, anything I've told Tomoyo you know and maybe I trusted her too much. But could it be Eriol who told everyone about my mother? He knows enough, but it just seems to be Tomoyo. She whispers things in peoples ears as I pass, even Eriol's, yet he seems in disbelieve. Eriol still smiles when he sees me and that warmth that hits my heart makes me feel like I'm light on air. Yet I haven't had such a feeling since Syaoran and I where children. Would I be wrong to say I am in love?

Love Meiling

Dear Diary,

I have been given a book, by my mother it was a book she said she red while she was pregnant with me. I came home from school and she was in the front room, Syaoran was with Sakura, Tomoyo and though I hate to sat it, Eriol. Tyler was out talking to his father about our wedding. Mother had that box she was looking through with her and in her hand a late 1986 book in one hand. She was dusting the cover but as soon as I passed her, her head shot straight up and she even smiled to me.

I have never been smiled at before, not by her I mean, I'd never have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my red eyes. My mother tossed back her long dark brown hair and called me over with her finger. I was worried about the way she was treating me but I just moved closer to her.

When I stood next to her she took my hand and pulled me to kneel very carefully. When I looked at her she still smiled and the looked at the book and back to me very quickly. She rubbed at the book one more time and handed it to me,

"I found this, it was book I read when I was pregnant with you and I think there is a lesion you can learn from it. Your cousin Syaoran's father, my brother gave it to me. Yelan said I would learn from it, but by the time I had read the last quote the heroine made I was to late and my way couldn't be changed" mother told me. 

I looked at the cover- it was a picture of a young girl around my age. She was with a younger girl and a boy her age maybe older and they were in a daisy field. "It was taken for the last scene in the book, the heroine is called Sophie" mother told me.

She and I then stood up together and I asked her, "Why give this to me?"

"I want you to read, but you must have read the whole book by your wedding day, when you are done please come to me and tell me the ending, what you learnt from Sophie and how this made you feel. You must read every word to know what your next step will be" and mother kissed me. "Remember to come back to me when the last word has been red, remember".

I've have already started the book, indeed the heroine is called Sophie and she has a little sister named Zoë. She lives with her husband to be, her mother and father died only a few months ago and ever since then, she has been abused by her fiancée.

I know how she feels, but to loose all your friends, and only have one, who you love but can't have because so many others want him. 

Specking of the one you love, I will go alone to the dance, though it will be nice to see Sakura and Syaoran together and see the homecoming queen but it will hurt to see Tomoyo with Eriol. Eriol wasn't even going to go, I don't think he really wants to. I don't really want to go, but if I do all the kids will see that I am not afraid of them. And I'm not going to let them get me down and I'm not going to lose to this so-called torment.

I have here by now suffered worse.

I will win my friends back, I will win my loves friendship back, I will, I will, I will, I will for I have know and seem worse. If pain is this, I can take anything after fourteen years, the children of the schoolyard will not take me for a game.

I am Meiling Li, and though my father has never said that name, it I realize was chosen by the very woman who gave me the brews on my back but who also gave me this book.

But why name me 'Beauty' why name me that of all the names she could have named me. Why beauty.

Love Meiling Li

P.S I haven't seen Tyler all day and yet all I want to know about is my friend Eriol, where is he now? 

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I'm really sorry about this chapter being so short, I plan the next chapter to be really long because something really big happens and I can't wait to write it. I love people who review my stories and visit my web site. I just want to get a crowed in both places cause I like getting messages from people, but I don't like flames. At the moment I let both Anonymous and Signed review but if I get flames I will not let non-signed reviews.

I hope you get the idea of what Meiling is going through and what ideas are coming through all this. If I get reviews on this chapter I might answer them in the next chapter. 

If I get flames on coupling in this story, I'll just ignore you and if you keep coming back I'll band anonymous and if you just flame and flame I will take drastic actions. BUT I will never take a story down cause of M+E flamers! I have a really good reason I don't support E+T.

Nobody so far has flamed me and I want to tell all of you how nice it is to have such nice reviews, a lot of you said it was really sweet. I also want to thank anyone who reviewed my one-off 'My Father's Child', thank you a lot!

And finally I want to thank my main reviewers Skyout and ERi who have read nearly all my stories. 

Take up your dreams,

And trust me cause-

I'm The Card Witch


	8. Life or Death Confesstions

Note from Meiling: Life or Death, I am in fear at this point with the world against me and Eriol and Tomoyo dating life is one big mess for me.  
  
Note from The Card Witch: I was on the Computer last night talking to ERi21 (I.E ERi) and I hear from my cousin Sakura Willow that my secrets of this chapter was on the line. Thank you ERi for not giving completly into her, Sakura is hard to resist isn't she? All other reviewrs thank you for reviewing.  
  
Note from Sakura Willow: SORRY ERI21, I was trying to get you to listen to me and know what was going to happen but, as I said, it'll make you cry, maybe.  
  
TCW: Anyway, I let her add that to say sorry, now I give you more of your favourite diary since Anne Frank: The Secret Diary of Meiling Li, chapter 8?  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I don't know why I'm even still here writing right now. I saw Tomoyo with Eriol on the way home and I felt like jumping in the river. Way do I feel like this, how could my feelings for Eriol change so much? How could Tomoyo chage on me? I swear people change their opinon on me more then I change my underwear!  
  
Tomoyo the worst at the moment, I feel foolish just to think I could have even trusted her with my secret, silly me. As Eriol once said 'Silly Girl', but when you've known someone and asked for comfort from them you don't think they will backstab you trust to get a boy. If she was me and I was her and Eriol liked her, I don't think I would say things about her father and that jail he's in, it's a part of life we feel ashamed of and that's what I feel about my childabuse. I don't want to relate to it, it scars my life and it just won't go away.  
  
Doesn't anyone know how lonely I feel with Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and especially my Eriol backing away and out of my life. I feel so empty without my sweet friends and without Eriol to sit, listen and understand me. I need that! The world all see me as the villien who recks everything, Cardcaptoring, Sakura and Syaoran and now they will soon be blaming me for trying to mess up Eriol and Tomoyo. Well they can stick it cause their wonderful Tomoyo isn't as nice as she seems and Eriol thinks not much of her! I remember once when we talked he would listen, I think he only wanted to talk about one person.   
  
Kaho  
  
I miss her too, she died. Kaho used to be our maths teacher but then she moved back to England and then came back when Eriol had stopped all those desurbences. I was their when one of them happened, with penguins flying at Sakura and Syaoran. I helped a big deal too though, I beat up a lot of the penguins as they tried to hit Sakura and I but when it came to Penguin Slide. I helped their too you know, I told Sakura which card to use. It was when Sakura said 'Freeze time' I was taken back to that time when we were skating and I remember being frozen.   
  
Being frozen, it was like I had died at gone somewhere else. I was though, warm in that ice. I felt like sleeping but as Syaoran said, I couldn't fall asleep due to the fact that lots of kids can die from sleeping in the ice. It was cause I was cold, but after the card was caught it was much warmer.  
  
Why have I started on this? Cause if my life will be a total mess, I've decided that if I loose Eriol and Tomoyo keeps acting cold, I don't want to go on with this thing of what you call a life. Mine is a mess with nothing to show for it but one thing, a broken heart.  
  
In this time I've had the time to look at intresting thigs, like our star signs- Eriol and I are both Arise, Tomoyo's a Virgo, Syaoran is a Cancer and Sakura is too an Arise. Mother has many books in that box which she says I can read. But everyday she keeps saying to read more of Sophie's Story. And I have been doing, I decided to trust mother with her words, that I can learn from this book, she might be right. This book does make me think about myself a lot.  
  
I red more and at the moment Sophie is going to school and the teacher has told everyone that a student as moved up in class (You know to the top class) and then your left with a cliffhanger. Sophie seems to be stong through all of this but I can tell anyone myself it is hard. Sophie hasn't got any friends like I had Sakura, Syaoran and Tomoyo.  
  
I miss the old Tomoyo, the nice and sweet one who knew that rumors ment nothing. Now she seems to depend to the fibbing through. I know that Syaoran hasn't said anything cause he wasn't here went all this wgore rumors started. Sakura and Tomoyo wasn't there to hear hit. I know the facts of home abuse was Tomoyo cause she goes round, with my Eriol, and seeing me makes her whisper in his ear and point to me. But I know that Tomoyo couldn't and truly wasn't capable of starting a rumor that calls me a whore. No matter how bitchy she was. No matter how hot on Eriol she is, she would say that about me.  
  
I miss her friendship and I greatly miss Eriol, I miss everyone, but I really really miss Tomoyo and Eriol the most. Tomoyo, I thought knew that our views are all important, she was the wise friend who once told me that you can be happy if the person you love is happy, why suddenly say things about me and tell it to Eriol who un-doubtly misses being on him own. He told me once, I believe that he was an only child, no brother's nor sisters. How lonely. He said that he had lived nealy six lives and only when the new master was found and trancformed all the cards would he age.  
  
I'm sure anyone would agree that the way Tomoyo is acting is very unlike herself, being mean isn't what she's like. She acts half the time like she's high on sugar (Which I am like a lot of the time) but I can't help remember when I was younger now I'm thinking about sugar.  
  
It was an outing to the Great Wall, I was with Syaoran, Fanny (Fanren), Feimei, Fuutie, Sheifa, Yoshi, Tora, Meiquing and we were being looked after by- Shiro (Zyiro) and of course Wei.  
  
Uncle Ryuu was long since departed  
  
I remember how Yoshi got high on sugar and went crazy! Fanny, Feimei, Fuutie, Sheifa and Tora's giggles, Meiquing crying for no reason and me trying to calm her down. Syaoran backing away into Wei and Shiro looking at him with a twinge of coldness, he was also looking at his Yoshi son and then at the quiet and fragile Syaoran, he looked at me coldly too.  
  
I remember mother saying to her friend once, as I sat on her knee (I was about two).  
  
She said that- 'Of every brother Li I have none is and cold as my brother Shiro Li, the oldest Li brother' but then she said, 'I am the Little Li Sister with older brothers, the yougest to bair her first child born in the seventies. But though I an crule, Shiro is cold none is warmer then our brother Ryuu, the true Li Clan leader, my sweet brother'.  
  
Mother really loved Ryuu Li and couldn't cpe for while after his death, father said she was hopeless. She just hit me for lisening, it was also around this time she hit Syaoran.  
  
Why does everyone I love want to go away from me. Eriol left me, Tomoyo left me as so did Sakura, Tora died, Yoshi died, Uncle Ryuu's dead too, Meiquing is miles away and Wei flew away. It's not fair. Still the way mother treats me now is with respect while other the year she showed me nothing but pain. Now it's Tomoyo acting crule... I wonder.  
  
Love Meiling  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
The Dance is tonight and I am hoping that I won't have such a bad time, though I feel like jumping off a bridge anyway. Eriol and Tomoyo will be there together, I'm wondering what Tyler is going to do, my father is seeing to the rest of the wedding. Mother said that she has better things to do now.   
  
With me and Tyler getting married, I still can't see it happening. I, even if I do marry Tyler, we won't have any children. I will never give Tyler my virginity, never will I do so.   
  
Mother this morning when I came out of my room and my mother had stuff all over the place. Tyler was in his room. Mother was covered in dust, still looking through all her things. Books, paper, photos and clothes, mother saw me and smiled, it was like she was high on sugar.   
  
"Meiling, look what else I found... Oh you are still reading that book aren't you?" mother asked me while looking through her things.  
  
"Yes mother, I read everytime I come home from school or before I write in my diary" I said, mother nodded and then pulled out a chinese dress.  
  
"Look. just look, it was my wedding dress" mother told me pressing it up against me. "I wonder what you would look like in it, why don't we find out?" mother said happily she stood up and grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room with her dress under her arm.  
  
When we where in her room, she quickly layied out the dress and turned around to me, she un-did my blosse and slipped on the under top of the dress then she pulled the dress part over my head and then did up the buttons. Before she thought to put the thing that makes you look thin and skinny she looked at me with the silky red fabric lose dress and the golden lace of the top part.  
  
"It looks nice trust like that, if I just get the shoes, you'll look great" mother said with a smile, before she walked out and I called out to her.   
  
"Mother, why are you dressing me up. In your wedding dress?" I asked her, mother walked out the room and came back with red shoes with fake louts on them. She slipped them on my feet and said.  
  
"Because I want you to look nice for this dance, red is the colour of confidence and Syaoran said you wanted to go to the dance to show everyone the rumors about you, when I was your age, I was pregnant with you and people talk about me all the time. But you are faceing the tonight and it will end up fore filling yourself" mother said smiling to me and she then turned my round and sat me at the dresser she has. She picked up her brush and ran it through my hair.  
  
Mother had never done anything like this before, I was shooked when she gave that book. Now she's treating me like a proper mother treats her daughter. When she had brushed my ponytail out and my hair was shining she grabbed some white powder and then she grabbed the red lipstick and ran it on my lips.  
  
"Done" mother signed, "When does the dance start?" she asked me.  
  
I looked at her and said "Not till 8:00 pm, what should I do till then?"  
  
"I want you to read more of your book, I want you to leave 5 minutes after that Sakura girl and dear Syaoran leave" mother told me. I agreed, it was like talking to the bible and someone telling what's for the best and what I should do.  
  
I did so come to the room and read more of that book, Sophie's new class mate, his name is Camaron and he asked to talk to her. Sophie asked him what he wanted and he said that he saw marks on her arms which hadn't been made by herself or falling. Sophie is scared by this person and she won't talk to him about what is happening to her with he husband to be. Zoe has ran away from home and in the running, you would never guess who she bumped into. Camaron and now Zoe is with him, while Sophie is looking for Zoe. Finally your left with Sophie finding Zoe and Camaron walking in on them.  
  
I don't the book yet, on really understand where it is going but I'm sure I will learn from this book.  
  
I'm not sure if I will feel the end, if I am left in this world with just Tyler I don't thing life is worth it's time.  
  
Syaoran's just come in now. I'm getting my bag ready, you can come with me to the dance. If it does come to the end of my life tonight, I wish to write my suicide note in you. People will have no reason to not read you when I am gone. I might not go now, but I feel I should carry you where ever I go now.  
  
You will come to the dance with me.  
  
Syaoran's calling me, Sakura's there too I hope she won't think me a bitch.  
  
Love Meiling Li  
  
(Note From The Card Witch: This page is torn rather and is quiet messed up, evidence shows that someone must have read this and paniced. Meiling's writing is quiet messy and not like her neat hand writing)  
  
My Last Entry-  
  
Dear Diary and to who ever reads this,  
  
I write this letter as the reason that I am no longer in this world. I went to the dance with a spirit to win my friends back. Still all talked and whispered my name behind my back, Sakura and Syaoran avoided me, I told them to do so. I saw Eriol and Tomoyo together which really gripped me and hurt me inside. Tomoyo looked at me with spite, I really miss her kindness and fear that the last time I will ever feel it is when I am dead. Even then I'm not so sure, Eriol however, I go to my grave mising his understanding self. He was a good friend and I will be home sick for him, even in heaven.  
  
I admit I have never been like the other's, knowing what I want to be when I'm grown up because I never was given a reason to plan. My parents did that for me. Meiquing, who I haven't seen in ages, I thought about her a lot as a big sister does. I'm glad mother gave me a chance to prove myself, but after years of abuse from both her and father- my organs are failing me and my blood is cloting. If I don't kill me, it will.  
  
I want Syaoran, Sakura and Tomoyo that I love them and I will always care for them. Especially Syaoran. He has been a sweet and kind to me through out the years I have been in this world. I will always love you, not as a cousin but as the brother I never had.  
  
Auntie Yelan, thank you for showing me the magic I do have, but I was never show how I could use it. If I had known, I would have done it more with my life then urgue with it.  
  
Mother, I'm sorry I didn't hold out to read that book, I would have held out if what had happened hadn't happened to me. I am also sorry that the dress I die in is the dress you gave earlier.  
  
I will not resight what Tyler has put me through tonight but, this was the thing that pushed me over the edge. I could also not bare to lose Eriol-Kun, I admit I will be homesick for him too.   
  
Fianlly I would like to repent my sins, I died a virgin and I lived these fourteen years. I can't rememver the safest place I have ever been, but I hope that where ever I go. Someone will miss me.  
  
I am sorry I have become so selfish to rid myself from your lives, but I am such a miner part of your lives, you won't even see I am gone.  
  
But I beg to my own true friend Eriol and my sweet love and cousin Syaoran and his wife-to-be-one day Sakura, to never stop loving me.  
  
Yours forever, Meiling Li, aged 14  
  
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Dear Diary,  
  
Eriol saved me from myself, I tried to kill myself as you do know. I went out to the penguen park and with a knife held it to my wrists. About to slash myself when Eriol came running towards me with you in his hand yelling, "Meiling please no"  
  
I looked to him and he ran towards me and faced me. "Meiling please don't do this" he told me and letting out his hand he said- "Give me the pocket knife, and come home with me, I'll talk to you about this"  
  
I shock me head and held the wrist to the knife and was about to plunge it when he cried, "MEILING STOP, LISTEN TO ME!"  
  
I looked at him, I was shocked but I needed to here what he wanted to say he came up to me and came closer to me. Eriol pulled the knife away from my wrist and pressed his lips onto mine. He kissed me, I closed my eyes and took in all the kisses emotions.  
  
Finally he pulled away from me and looked at me. "Listen to me my Mei-Chan" he told me. He embraced me in a final hug and told me something, I never would happen.  
  
"Mei, you can't do this, so many people love you. Syaoran and Sakura love you, Tomoyo will morn for you. Your family will miss you" Eriol told me, I would take this, what I called calm her down and stop her from killing herself.  
  
"Eriol, no one loves me. I have lived my life with love and each time it has been recked. Though the end of Syaoran and I let me create something beatiful, I lost a best friend of mine. Who I can't forget, talks about me behind my back now" I told him. Eriol shook his head and kissed me again.  
  
"Mei you can keep going" he told me,  
  
"Eriol!" I cried out loud, "I'd be long gone by now if you hadn't stopped me. Are you trying to keep me alive for my good or cause you feel sorry for me?"  
  
Eriol looked at me, I had basicly told him to give me a good reason why I should end myself now. Give me a reason or stand off. Eriol took a huge breath in and seemed to blush over. My heart stopped, I dropped the knife on the floor.  
  
"Meiling, you know I once said that their was someone" Eriol said slowly and as he held my arms I felt him shake. I didn't know what this someone was, their had been many someones. "... Someone, who loves you?" he finally said.  
  
He did say that once, in the corridor when I told him about Tyler, I nodded slowly and Eriol seemed to tighten his grip on me.  
  
"Well that someone is..." Eriol started and I stopped still, this person who was it I thought then finally someone was revelied-  
  
"That someone is... me Meiling" Eriol said finally. I felt my heart get that hurting feeling and I suddenly didn't know what to say.  
  
"What?" was all I could say. Eriol's eyes met mine again and said stightly-  
  
"I love you, I have loved you since, I can't remember. I thought other girls were worth lots but showed me that if I was to have anyone. I'd want you.   
  
I think the moment I fell in love with you, truely was when you were hurt by those boys. I had to save you, you were to good to get hurt like that. Meiling if I were Tyler, I'd be so happy that I would have you for the rest of my life. I am sorry about what has happened to you and I feel that if I had told you, you wouldn't have tried the act of pain. I am sorry Meiling, but if you kill yourself now I will kill myself too. Never not for Kaho or anyone like that, have I loved as much as I love you" Eriol told me.  
  
In the end I had nothing to say, I do love Eriol, I told you so. I felt so shy and scared like he had told me he hated me. I suddenly had feelings running through my body and into my eyes, never did anyone say 'I love you' to me and mean it so deeply. It was like the words he said was a secret code feelings I didn't know I had.  
  
Eriol looked at me and said, "You will always be the woman I love, and that is all I wanted to say. I will take the knife and I want you to go home and calm down. Will you go alone or will I take you home?" he asked.  
  
"It's out of your way, I'll go myself Eriol" I think I said, I can't really remember. Eriol nodded and bent down to pick up the knife he put it back in it case he bent down and kissed my hand. He turned around and walked away.  
  
I think I watched him go and sat on the swings, thinking all about what someone had just told me. Suddenly Sakura and Syaoran walked passed me, they saw me and Sakura came up to me.  
  
"Meiling what's wrong?" Sakura asked me,  
  
I looked at her and Syaoran, they must have just left the dance. I looked to them and said, "I tried to kill myself"  
  
Sakura and Syaoran gasped and said, "OH GOD! Meiling why?"  
  
I told them what I did know, "I don't know, I guess I felt sad and lonely. But the fact I tried to kill myself isn't what's on my mind"  
  
Syaoran sat on the swing next to me and Sakura knelt in front of me. "Why are you down Meiling?" Syaoran asked me stroking my arm.   
  
"Eriol, came to stop me and he told me that he... that he loved me" I told them. Syaoran blinked and Sakura smiled.   
  
"Mei, I know what you feel when Syaoran said he loved me I couldn't look at him without blushing and getting a beautiful feeling. I thought about my feelings and I realised I was in love with Syaoran too" Sakura said, she and Syaoran smiled at each other and then at me.  
  
"Come on, let's go home, have a bath and have a snack I vote hot chocolate" Syaoran said standing up with Sakura holding one arm.   
  
"And pancakes, come on Meiling just the two of us and we can talk all about what's on your mind and help you over come them" Sakura said, Syaoran nodded and gave me the other arm. I felt more at home with these two, I couldn't wait to talk to them about anything. Sakura and Syaoran are a lot of fun to be with.  
  
I spent the rest of my night with Sakura and Syaoran, all of us in our pyjamas and night gowns. We all had a bath, Sakura and Syaoran let me go first since I had had a ruff night. Sakura had lit candles and aromors of flowers and cherry blossom petals with bath salts plus bubble bath. (She read that both Arise and Geminis need to relax in a nice bubble bath to calm down). Then Sakura went and Syaoran went last.   
  
After that we had a hot chocolate each and pancakes, but Syaoran also gave my my favourite- PEACH BUNS! YUMMY!  
  
They both listened to me and gave me reasons why I was wrong about this sort of thing, then we all talked about the times we had fun and memories.  
  
I wonder, would it had been better if I had killed myself? I guess not, Sakura and Syaoran gave me a really nice girl's night in. Syaoran has to hang out at these a lot of the time, he might like hanging around with us, I guess he's happy when it's just Sakura, with Sakura he says it's romantic. But with me and Sakura it's fun. I'm glade I am still hear, Sakura and Syaoran really cheered me up. But I think the reason I am here to feel better is cause of Eriol, my dear Eriol.  
  
He said he loved me, I don't know what to think. I hope I figer this out soon, I have so many people I need to sort out. Including Tomoyo.  
  
Forever here and yours,  
  
Meiling Li  
  
P.S I don't know what to say or do. Eriol is suck in my head. I have lot's to sort out, but this is also a reason why I have to keep living. I will finsh that book mother talked about, I will finsh all the quests I was going to leave open.  
  
But with this thing with Eriol, the next thing in my head- Is Tyler and our wedding. Father would go crazy. I don't know how I'll get round that. I think Tomoyo should be case one on my to do list. 


	9. Putting it Right, or Wrong?

Note from Meiling: I Call this part- Putting Friends Right, in this chapter, I hope to seek a friendship back with Tomoyo. But I also, am thinking about the clan, my book and the fact that my wedding is bairly two months and Tyler is no help on me. Also the illness is back and we a talking about a person who might be realising it. So for this part I will now call it- 'Putting it Right, or Wrong?'  
  
Note from The Card Witch: I'd like to thank all of you for reviewing this story. I want to finish this before I go on with anymore or my other stories. The reason is that I finally have the ending clear for this story, I know what I'm aiming for. Oh and I also want to know, should Meiling give her diary a name?  
  
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Dear Diary,  
  
I've been thinking so much. Eriol said he loved me, and that kept me in this world. I've never been loved before, I'm marrying Tyler and I doubt that he loves me. I don't want him to.  
  
I think I love Eriol, I don't know, when ever I think about Eriol my chest gets tight and whenever I think about what he thinks about me (that he loves me) my chest gets tighter and I can't breath.  
  
I am hoping that Tomoyo will understand when I talk to her tomorrow.  
  
I was reading a lot of my book. Sophie is shooked to see Camaron but is greatful that he saved Zoe. When Zoe is asleep, Camaron asks Sophie again about the marks her fience left on her arms. Sophie tells Camaron that he hits her, since her parents died she had to live with him and the beatings. Like if dinner is slightly hot or cold for his liking he hits her. Camaron tells her to not worry and then paints her a picture-  
  
"One day, you will live in a country with beautiful green grass, sweet fresh air, and all the space you want to let little Zoe grow up. If you don't like that then you can live in the city" Camaron told her, Sophie's eyes seemed to widen and smile.   
  
"That sounds like heaven, I wish it was so" Sophie said in a floaty voice. Camaron smiled and said-  
  
"It is true, it's England, it rains a lot but it's got beautiful views and lovely sun shine".  
  
"I hear it's cold though, I don't like cold weather that much" Sophie said, she shivered just at the thought of cold weather. Camaron patted her head.  
  
"Oh really, the weather in England isn't all that cold, the summers are wonderful and the best thing is- Spring brings rain, Summer brings sunshine, Autumn brings wind and winter brings more rain and snow, sometimes" Camaron said in a sweet voice.  
  
Sophie went star eyed, "It sounds beautiful, I've never seen snow before, but it's very cold then, could I take it?"   
  
"I think you could take anything" Camaron said hugging her.  
  
At this time, Drake was looking all other for Sophie and Zoe, Sophie should have been home at 4:00 pm with Zoe and be cooking his.dinner by this time. Drake, through himself all over the place, crazy and madly. He even hit himself. As if he was mad.  
  
Sophie and Camaron talked all about their lives and how it could be improved. Admittedly, in many ways, Camaron felt he had found a long lost relietive. Sophie was talking about her parents death and even about Drake and his bashing her. When she was with Eriol, it was like that they spoke their own way, and no one elses...  
  
To be honest I think that mother gave me this book to make me see that if I talk to someone, my problems will go away. I don't know, nothing makes sense anymore. Not since Eriol told me he loves me. What should I tell him, what is there to tell him? I don't know what to say or do, it's like I've been cut off from the world.  
  
But I'm coming back to it, I'm winning Tomoyo's friendship back, I'm thinking about Eriol a lot. I'm going to tell Tyler to hit the road and telling my dad to get on his bike and pedle.  
  
I feel now, for the first time, I feel like I'm a puppet who is moving with out her strings. No one with choose my life for me, I'm writing my story. In fact, that's a good idea.  
  
I think I'll make you, my novel, like Anne Frank was going to do. I'm wondering, should I give you a name? It would be cool to name you, but then again... I'll think about a name, but now I'm thinking. That if I leave Tyler at the alter, what will my dad do, what will I do? What will Tyler do?  
  
You know it's too late now to think about that, I'll talk tomorow.  
  
All my love, too my little power-  
  
Meiling Li xxx  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Tomoyo and I are friends again but there is something really starange and creepy going on and here's what happened today-  
  
I went to school early and found her in the classroom. She wouldn't look at me but I had to talk. I said-  
  
"Tomoyo, I want to talk to you"  
  
"....." Tomoyo said nothing,  
  
"Please Tomoyo, I need to talk to you" I told her and then I said, "Tomoyo. Eriol he... he told me he loved me"  
  
Tomoyo seemed to tear she shot out of her chair saying "I knew this would happen, why, why, why, why, why? Why did it happen" I ran to her hand patted her back she slapped my hand. "Why couldn't I stop him?"  
  
"Stop him?" I asked her, she nodded,  
  
"I wanted to brake up guys up" she told me, "I thought I was loosing my best friend, I thought that if I could lure him away you to me, and then brake his heart he'd go back to England and forget about you"   
  
Then I slapped her, "I'm sorry" I said first, then- "Why? I thought you might have been in love with him. I really thought you were hating me and stealing the one other person who reminds me of you"  
  
"I could never love some who tried to kill me with a piano and tried to make me sleep forever" Tomoyo cried,  
  
"So what? He nearly killed me with flying penguns and make me sleep forever remember?" I asked her,  
  
"You know, when you yelled 'Flying penguns!', it was really cute" Tomoyo said with a smile, "You are cute, really cute. That's probably why Eriol loves you, and that's why I love you. You have become my best friend. I felt that maybe you'd get hurt and cry again if Eriol broke your heart, and it would hurt you again like with Syaoran. I did what I did because I lost Sakura to Syaoran cause they fell in love, I didn't want to lose you" Tomoyo said looking at me with a smiled craking. I threw my arms round her and kissed her forehead.  
  
"Tomoyo, you will always be my number one friend, but, I need someone to love and to love me back. We will always be best friends, I will always love you, but I admitt I love Eriol too" I told her.  
  
Tomoyo looked at me and smiled, "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes" I told her,  
  
"Have you told him?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Then go out there and tell him girl, you have to" Tomoyo told me. Then Eriol came in, he looked at me with the same eyes Syaoran did when Sakura's name came up. Tomoyo smiled, her kind face was back, I had missed it so much.  
  
"Err... I've got to get the flowers" Tomoyo said suddenly she ran out the room and left me and Eriol alone.  
  
I breathed in and-  
  
"Eriol?" I said,  
  
"Yes?" he said eagerly,  
  
"I... I need to tell you something" I told him, Eriol nodded and we both sat at our desk. "Eriol, I need to tell you that... I... I...I" I must have said 'I' ten times before-  
  
"I... Sakura?" I said, Sakura came into the room out of breath and crying, "Sakura what's wrong?"  
  
"It's Syaoran... the illness.... it's making a come back, he couldn't get up this morning" Sakura said gasping for breaths. Eriol shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"But... that can't be" Eriol quivered, "Once you have magical illness, you don't get again unless someone gives it to you, not like with a cold, you need to put in in a drink or something".  
  
"But what has Syaoran drunk that no one else has?" Sakura asked,  
  
"We had hot chocolate last night" said I, "The stuff could be in there"  
  
Eriol nodded, "Right, did anyone else drink it?"  
  
"I didn't have any time to drink it" Sakura said, "Mine went cold you see".  
  
Eriol nodded then he seemed to get really worried when I didn't say anything. Yes I had drunk it, but it's a magical illness. It wouldn't affect me. Eriol looked at me as if I was going to drop start dieing in his arms any minute. I had to tell them.  
  
"I did have some too drink" I said. "But I'm fine, you better help Syaoran, nothing will happen to me, we need to help the one who is sick. I just don't know what to do" I told them. Sakura nodded, just then Tomoyo came back with the flowers and saw something was wrong.  
  
"What's wrong?" Tomoyo asked,  
  
"Syaoran's sick again" Sakura said,  
  
"Again? What's wrong with him? Why does he keep getting sick?" Tomoyo asked, I walked to her and patted her back.  
  
"We think someone is causing his illnesses and forcing them on Syaoran" I told her, "They weren't ment for any of us, but for him".  
  
Eriol then nodded and stood up, "Meiling? That's a really good reason, someone must be trying to get Syaoran out of the way"  
  
"But surely, this person will try to do away with Sakura" Tomoyo said looking at Sakura, Sakura seemed to go paler and look to Eriol.  
  
"Yes, that's what I think" Eriol said, "But they didn't know that she wouldn't drink the hot chocolate" Eriol said. "But there is another theory, I think that maybe, someone is trying to get rid of Syaoran so he can carry out a plot" Eriol told us.  
  
I shook my head, "Where'd that come from? Okay it is weird that Syaoran's the only one who got sick" I told them, "But at school, so did Chiharu and Rika. Maybe it's to cover it up". Tomoyo agreed with me,  
  
"She's right" Tomoyo said, "To make it look like an accident"  
  
"Hey, I've been reading a murder mystery and the woman Sophie's sister was killed and the only one who would have done it is the very man who hated her" Eriol told us.  
  
Sophie, that's the name of the heronie in my book, maybe they're related books. Finally Sakura said, "But who would want to kill my Syaoran? Who wuld hate someone so sweet".  
  
I tried to think about it too everything that had happened was so strange from Syaoran getting ill, to the bust up with Tomoyo to Wei being replaced by my mother, to mother being nice to me and now this. What if all of this is connected. I remember linking it all up and thinking all about those things that didn't make sense. I feel mother being nice is just her calling, but the rest seemed to linked. Then I thought back on our family history I went over it a million times in my head.  
  
When class begun all I could think about was what was going on a the linking to all the things then it finally came to at the end of class. Sakura, Tomoyo, Eriol and I met on the bench near the pond and I told them what I'm about to tell you-  
  
"His uncle, his Uncle Shiro" I told them,  
  
"What about him?" Sakura asked,  
  
"He's the only one I can think of that would hurt Syaoran, he hates Syaoran" I told them,  
  
"But why you ever hurt your nephew? Your only nephew?" Tomoyo asked me,  
  
"Well" I began, "Syaoran's father, Ryuu Li, was Shiro Li's little brother. He was really upset when he didn't take care of the clan when their father died in the Great Elder's arms". I told them, "It was Zyro Li's dream that his younger son, Ryuu would rule the clan and his wife would bair the Chosen One of all people". I had learned all this from the Great Elder who remebered the talk Zyro gave him before he died. "Shiro was angry, but when Ryuu had daughters and Shiro had a son, he had a plan to rid the clan of Ryuu and become clan leader himself" I told them. Eriol looked at me like it was old times, when I'd tell him my problems. "But then Syaoran was born, and Shiro's son was knocked off the chances of being the clan leader and Syaoran became, what we call, 'The all sweet and kind chosen one, our suviour, our prince', Shiro's son loved Syaoran a lot though"  
  
"He had children?" Eriol asked me kindly yet furmly,  
  
"Yes, but as I said she drond in the pond when Syaoran almost died too, and his son who loved Syaoran was killed" I told him. Everyone then thought about it.  
  
"Why did he hate Ryuu?" Tomoyo asked  
  
"Many reasons" Eriol then said. I had forgot that some this he already knew, "Ryuu married Shiro's fincee, Yelan Li, Syaoran's mother when they fell in love with each other" Eriol told them, he looked at me and smiled. I think that when I smiled, he blushed and went on. "It seemed that every single time something happened to him and not Ryuu, he became mader until, finally, he became crazed to profect himself".  
  
I nodded, "That's right, he's the only one I can think of that would want to kill Syaoran"  
  
Sakura nodded but Tomoyo shock her head, "But he's all the way in China, how could he be poisening what Syaoran eats or drinks with magical poisen?"  
  
Sakura then looked to me, I then looked at Eriol who was trying to make his way round it but I could see that we had hit the rocks. "Well it was good while it lasted" Sakura said seeing that no one could anwser that question, but I'm not giving up, I must be Shiro, who else would it be. Then Tomoyo said-  
  
"What about your mother?"  
  
"NO!" I cried, I was standing up for my mother. Sure she was a bitch, but, though she's or rather was a bit twisted but she would never kill someone. Though she, in the past, have made me think she'll one day kill me. I know she never will. I myself seem weird but I'm really nice inside (I hope). "Don't even say that about my mother, Tomoyo" I told her. Tomoyo looked at me in shock but Eriol smiled in a sympa way.  
  
"IT MUST BE SHIRO IS HAS TO BE!" I cried, Eriol then grabbed my arms and brought me close to his face. My heart felt so pully that I couldn't breath, I was so intrased. And he seemed like he was going to kiss me, he came closer but for some reason I pulled my face away.  
  
"Calm down Meiling, I believe that Shiro must, wherether we are right of wrong, he could have a way to get to Syaoran" he told me, he looked to Sakura and then I. Watch him closely tonight, I feel that it might just slow him down today. We have a week before he's very ill again I think, Syaoran seems to have something which is know as Alaericse" Eriol told us. I remember thinking 'What the hell is that?'  
  
Then I asked him, "What is that?"  
  
"It's an illness which can only be passed by drinking eating or biting" Eriol said,  
  
"Eww!" Tomoyo said girlishly, Eriol scowled at her she immedtly shut up. Eriol went on-  
  
"You feel tired for the first week but then you start to react by high fever, and your toung goes a bright red colour, you feel hot but you say that your freezing, you feel terribly thirsty but you can't drink cause it hurts your toung. This can end your life because you haven't enough water or you overheat" Eriol told us,  
  
"That's like a very old illness 'Scalet Fever', Kiyra Li had that once" I told them, she had indeed died of it. Eriol nodded, and then said that we need to keep him cool, he needs to move his legs to move the heat and we need to make him drink a very powerful potion made of peonies, I had to prepare it for him and Sakura was allowed to feed it to him, I had to make it as I had saved him last time with that peony. So that's what we're doing.  
  
Syaoran claimes he's fine, just tired. But we are making him drink and eat but everytime he chucks it up and with the water he chokes on it cause he can't swollow it.  
  
"I'm really fine, I'm not sick" Syaoran told me when I tried to give him the medichen. "And this stuff tastes horrible" he said spitting back out again. "I can't swollow it!" he cried.  
  
"Are you sure?" I asked, "Or do you just not want to drink it?"  
  
"If I could I'd swollow it as soon as I could, not spit it out again, that's disgusting!" Syaoran whined. I shook my head.  
  
"Hi there" Sakura said coming into the room, "I got something to get water and that peony stuff down" Sakura said, she picked up her bag and brought out a baby's bottol and showed it to Syaoran. He groaned and said-  
  
"Sakura, honey, I'm not a baby" Syaoran said looking at it. I giggled and Sakura got on the bed with him and put some water in it.  
  
"I know you not, but we need you to drink, we can put soup in the babies beacker too that I got you" Sakura said smiling. She lay Syaoran's head back and supported it with her arm as if he was a baby and she feed him. I waited and he didn't throw it up it went down and she still kept his head back so it really did go down. I then had an idea.  
  
I took another one of the bottols and I put some milk and honey in it and took it back. I told Sakura "If we can get this down him, we can get his medichen down". Sakura smiled and took it. Once again, Sakura feed Syaoran as if he were a baby, the milk and honey was swollowed and it sayed down. Sakura and smiled to each other I quickly put the medichen into the bottol and gave it to Sakura. Syaoran sucked it all in and it stayed down. Sakura kissed Syaoran's noise and smiled up to me.  
  
"If he drinks that everyday, he'll be fine before he get's worse, Eriol told me" I told her, Sakura looked like she was going to cry and she hugged him before he dropped off.  
  
When I left the room Tyler was there. "Meiling, your father and sister will be coming soon to see to the wedding" he told me. I then thought about it, I had completly forgotten about the wedding. It was bairly a fortnight away.  
  
"When is he coming?" I asked,  
  
"In two days" Tyler told me. I felt so dark again, father was strange, I was scared of him. But I was happy to see Meiquing again her sweet blue eyes and black hair. Although mother did say she had toned her hair to look brown, I'd never do that. But the bad part was 'Two days!'  
  
"Oh" I said slowly, "I see". I then walked away, Tyler grabbed my arm and said-  
  
"Don't you dare walk out on me you little witch" Tyler snapped, "Your my wife and I'm not letting you meet with that boy again, you will be my wife"  
  
"Let me go" I said kicking him away, he backed to one side of the room and I to the other. "You will not tell me what to do, Tyler"  
  
"Yes you will, you will be my wife and no whore. Though it's not like I can never take that away from you, you'll always be that boys whore" Tyler said pointing to me and backing into him room" when hehad gone, mother came in.  
  
She smiled and said- "Oh hello daughter, what's wrong? It not Syaoran again is it dear?" mother asked me. I shook my head and told her about dad and Meiquing. Mother seemed to stay quiet but she did say that she was happy that Meiquing was coming. I was too, I haven't seen her since she was ten, she's twelve now thirteen next month. I only just remebered, my birthday was at the end of the week. I feel now, that Syaoran pulling through that illness again is the best gift I could ever get.  
  
That's all I need, that's my gift this year.  
  
Love Meiling Li  
  
P.S Eriol's birthday is coming right up, two days before mine on the 23rd while mines the 25th. I've been making him a book mark and card, hand made. I wasn't sure what he would like, I hope he'll like them. 


	10. Why Me?

Note from Meiling: I give Eriol his present and he says thank you to me! Syaoran's better by the way and it was great to see all of us at school as one big family. On my birthday, something happens to me and I reflect back on what's happened and I recieve my presents. I call this chapter- 'Why Me?'  
  
This edited for what is was before for many reasons.  
  
Note from The Card Witch: Meiling is in big trouble on her birthday, but I won't say how. Read on and find out, and at the end of the chapter- REVIEW! Thank you.  
  
~*~*~  
  
23rd March- Eriol's Birthday!  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I gave Eriol his present, he said he loved them-  
  
"I made the book mark myself, I know how much you love cherry blossom flowers so I sewed them into the book mark along with my own pink stiches. I made the card too" I told him handing the card to him. Eriol looked at it and smiled.  
  
"Thank you Mei-Chan" he told me and he hugged me, Tomoyo seemed to chuckle under her breath but Eriol didn't hear. Sakura and Syaoran had chipped together and-  
  
"We got you..." Syaoran begun,  
  
"MAPLE CANDY AND SALT WATER TAFFY!" Eriol said taking it from them. Syaoran and Sakura laughed, I smiled and Tomoyo video taped it. Eriol hugged Syaoran and Sakura, Syaoran flinched at first but closed his and just patted his back.   
  
Tomoyo then went into her bag, "Okay my turn, I made candy!" Tomoyo said getting out a bag tied with a bow.  
  
"Thanks Tomoyo-chan very nice of you" Eriol said giving her a hug. Eriol then faced all of us-  
  
"Thank you so much for your presents! They are wonderful! And I'll eat them soon, promise" Eriol joked,  
  
I felt kind of bad cause everyone else had given him sweets and things. I'd made him something none edible.  
  
When they had gone a went to Eriol, "I'm sorry my present was so lame" I told him. Eriol turned around and smiled.  
  
"Oh Mei-mei, it's a lovely present. Sure I like sweets but sweets only last up till you eat them, your present will last me forever. And you made it yourself, that makes it really special" Eriol told me, he got out a book and marked a page with the bookmark. As he put it on the side a taty old book fell out of his bag and near my fett. Eriol went pale as I picked it up.  
  
"Your diary" I said sadly, I remember the last time I read it I became really mad at him. I handed it back to him and a photo fell out again. It was the same one from before. "I've seen this picture before, it fell out of your diary when I..." I was cut off from the look on Eriol's face.  
  
"That picture is of my siblings, that was about 75 years after my parents had died. I know they look really old but as I said, only now have a started to age. My parents were brother and sister to Clow Reed" Eriol told me. I sat down and listened to him. "You see even though Clow was ruffly 700 when he died, he only really died 200 years ago".  
  
I then looked at the picture closely, this brother and sister seemed very old. I guess them and Eriol were all born years before that picture had been taken. "Sister and brother having children, isn't that insest?" I asked him.  
  
"Well magical law it was diffrent then, It was a way of the Reed family of keeping family worth" Eriol told. "That law changed when Clow Reed's mother died, as the Li Clan law is that death is the penalty for insest or adultary" Eriol told me. It was true, only last year Akia Li was excicuted for being a trator to the clan. She had comited murder on another Li who was living in Beijing.  
  
"I myself was in love with someone at this time, I was in school a lot of my life and my cousin who was in the Li clan came to London to learn English better. I fell in love with her" Eriol told me. I felt a bit sad for him, I didn't feel angry that I'm not the only one he's ever loved. I've loved Syaoran and he once was in love with Kaho, before she died.  
  
"Was it Kaho?" I asked, Eriol looked at me. "Kaho wasn't born yet, she wouldn't for another 78 or 79 years" Eriol told me. "This was a girl called Melissa, she had long black hair and strange purple eyes, I fell in love with her very quickly. But then, she got very sick and I tried to save her but my magic wasn't as strong as it is now and she died two weeks after she fell ill. After she died I wanted to die too. Now I'm glad I am alive cause I met you. Meiling" Eriol told me. I tried again to tell him I love him too.  
  
"Eriol, I have something I want to tell you" I told him. Eriol nodded and listened like he knew what I was going to do and say."I... I.... I... Eriol, I"  
  
"Meiling!" Tyler called over the fence. Eriol didn't turn around so Tyler couldn't see his face. I stood and walked a way from him, before I left Eriol slipped something into my hand. I stopped and put it into my bag, as it was a piece of paper.  
  
I then said good bye and ran to Tyler as if it was father who had just called me. I hoped Tyler wouldn't have an idea of who it was I was talking to. But of course he did.  
  
"What were you doing with him and what's that he gave you?" Tyler said going to my back pack. I pulled away but Tyler held me down like I was a frolicing dog. I tore a way from his grasp and tried to walk a way from him but he followed me pulling me back. What was wrong with him?  
  
"GET AWAY TYLER" I cried but it made no diffirece and he easily pulled me back here to the apartment. Mother was here along with Syaoran and Sakura in the next room he couldn't talk to me or insult me.  
  
I ran to my room to look at what Eriol had given me. It was an entry to his diary. It must have come out of the diary.  
  
I could see that I would have a lot of reading tonight. My book and these enties.  
  
I looked at the diary enties and read them all-  
  
(The next writings belong to Eriol's Diary)  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have met such a wonderful woman, the young girl Melissa, that beautiful Chinese girl. Oh how I admire her! Her beautiful black hair still catches sunlight in it's darkness. Holding her today was like catching an angel in my arms.  
  
But she is so stubbon, hash and picky! She's ill-tempered! Enviouse! But that in her is beautiful, never had I seen a more wonderful person. As our school is open freely and she hasn't a special friend she stood alone near the lake. I ran down to her.  
  
But when I got there, it was as if I wasn't there. She ran away from me, she looked at me and looked a way. Nothing could I do to catch up with her.  
  
I swear I love her, but no matter the kicks me a way from her and I can't dare to look her in the eye. She's so wonderful, so perfect, so sweet yet stubbon and hard. She fights but can be put down now and again.  
  
I admire that in her.  
  
I wish I could age with her.  
  
Yours Eriol  
  
'''  
  
I admitt I felt a bit tight and put down when I heard that, I know I love him but I felt a bit sad know there was someone before me. But I can live with that, I had Syaoran once.  
  
I read the next part, it seemed to be a few years older then the ast one.  
  
,,,  
  
Diary,  
  
Today, sweet Melissa died in my arms  
  
,,,  
  
I stopped here, this must the entry were Melissa died. Eriol had told me she died, it must have hurt him a lot. I read on  
  
,,,  
  
Diary,  
  
Today sweet Melissa died in my arms. It was horrible, I tried all I could to save her, oh I miss her so much. Melissa was young, yet I had never witnessed such a strange illness, my magic was no use for her and nothing could I do to save as she wasn't with much magic herself.  
  
But one this is sticking in my head, before she died she whispered in my ear that she would back one day in another form and we would be together again. I don't see how it could be, though I myself am Clow Reed, can noboody come back from the dead.  
  
I shall never love again.  
  
,,,  
  
I was quiet shocked that he cared about Melissa so much. But then he had also given me another entry. It looked newer the the last two.  
  
,,,  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I feel so bad, I take back everything I said about Miss Meiling Li. She's a sweet angel who fell from heaven, I am truly unworthy of her. I don't know what's wrong with me, never have I loved someone so much since Melissa. Did I just write about love? When I'm with Meiling I feel like I'm flying on air.  
  
She's so sweet, independent, a fighter, a beauty, a charmer, a Li she perfect. But she, now is treating me coldly. I fear she knows that I like Tomoyo for a short time. But I swear! I see Miss Tomoyo as a dying dandilion compaired to what I see Meiling as, a beautiful rose bud.  
  
I know that Tomoyo's beautiful, but so is My Meiling, Meiling maybe even more beautiful in my eyes. Tomoyo maybe sweet, but Meiling is too and she has much more exciting story and person behind her. Meiling is my ideal woman, everything I want. Thinking about Meiling, makes me wonder what I ever saw in that Tomoyo girl.  
  
I even see Kaho as nothing to Meiling, I loved Kaho almost as I once loved Melissa. But not long ago, Kaho died, I remember how hurt I was. I am starting to feel that, I love Meiling more then I loved Melissa. How could I have fell in love with Mei so quickly?   
  
I think it's cause, I admitt that, I had a slight crush on my sweet, cute and sweet decendent. My Little Grandson, he's her close cousin and I feel like Meiling is simular in a unique way.  
  
I hope she doesn't neglect me for too much longer.  
  
My love to you Eriol  
  
,,,  
  
I had just read the very entry that proceeded the one that had drew me to hate him for a while. Only now I've been in love him, and I'm asking myself the same question. How could he have fell in love with me so fast? And another thing, he called me his ideal woman. That makes me feel so wonderful, but I'm not a prize of effection to many men. Never have I been so loved back, I've wanted it to be so, but I never thought it would happen.  
  
I can't help it, I know what love is and I've never felt like this since I was is love with Syaoran. Now feelings a focesed towards Eriol, I love him.  
  
I'm in love with him, I love him, I really do.  
  
Diary, Goodbye and Goodnight,  
  
Meiling Li  
  
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
25th March!!!  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today is my birthday! Mother has made this the best birthday ever! I'm 15 years old, I'm going to miss being 14 but I'M 15!  
  
Mother gave me an old dress that she got for the 15th BBD It's really beautiful with the red and pinky-red flowers. Tyler gave me a braclet, he said I should wear it at our wedding. I had forgotten, I'm still getting married to him. I hate him, I'm not marrying him, I forgot to tell him AGAIN today. Syaoran's a bit better, he made me a hand made card. It had the matirial of one of my baby dresses on it. It's really lovely! I love it!   
  
My sister has my present and as she's coming soon, she'll give it to me then. I don't mind waiting.  
  
At school, Sakura gave me a Chinese Wind Chime and Tomoyo gave me some more of her wonderful Italian Candy. I didn't see Eriol straight away but finally in the playground I saw him. He gave a rapped up present. In side was a Box with a lotus in-print, and in the box where ribbon and bobbles, all red. I'm wearing the flower ribbons now.  
  
He even kissed me, when he gave me my birthday hug, he seemed to shake in his skin. I tried to tell him I was in love with him but the bell went.  
  
I'm sorry that was short but I feel a bit dizzy, and a bit sick. And it's my birthday! I guess people do feel sick of fun on their birthday. I better stop writing now, my fingers are feeling cold, but my head feels hot. I better also get a drink, I'm really thirsty.  
  
I feel, I feel so strange.  
  
Goodnight,  
  
Meiling Li, 15  
  
Diary,  
  
I didn't go to school today. I'm sick, my mother wouldn't let me leave the house. She says that I feel hot, but I feel like I'm in a freezing cold bath! She's trying to give me a drink, but my throat won't let me drink and my tongue feels like it's been bitten. It's swolloen red.   
  
Sakura tried to feed me the way she did Syaoran but it doesn't work. She said she'd tell Eriol soon, I don't want Eriol to see me like this. It's obviouse, I have the same thing Syaoran had. Maybe this is the end. I feel horrible, I don't even remember the last time I was sick.  
  
I was only little and it was Yelan how healed me. I had a fever. My mother was pregnant and she didn't want to look after me. I remeber what it was like, every sound was torture.  
  
My head is hurting and I can't take it, I feel like everytime I breath will be the last. I feel that everytime I close my eyes, I'll open them and be somewhere else. People around me, their voices eco and it hurts my ears and my body.  
  
I feel like I'm open to the world, and yet, enclosed to everything. I feel as if the room is spinning and I'm going to die.  
  
I wish Eriol was here right now...  
  
Meiling, 15  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I fear this is the end, the doctor has said that my illness is starange and has no antidote. Everyone cried, even my mother. I can't see Syaoran as he may get sick again.  
  
I'm happy now though, Eriol's here. He's crying at the news, even him magic can't work. He says he hasn't had so much trouble since Melissa. Every now and again he comes in and dabs my head, he crys and kisses me. I want to tell him that I love him, before I die but... I can't, my voice is in so much pain and my throat is far to hard.  
  
I can't write anymore... I'm too tired.  
  
Meiling  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am truly on my last hours. Syaoran still can't see me, Sakura says that if he could, he'd kiss me goodbye, she sobbed all over me herself. My mother kissed me and hugged me. I told her, that I want someone to have you diary. I told her that she may read you, I also told her to let Eriol have you. I also request that Eriol may edit you and then send you out to the rest of the world.  
  
Eriol with me now, cradling me in his arms as if I were a baby. His aftershave smells so sweet, I wish I could stay here forever in his arms. I feel so warm with him.  
  
I want the world to know that, I wasn't all mean and unkind, I want them to know that Eriol loved me, not Tomoyo. I am romantic matierial, and I also want them to know. I love Sakura, Tomoyo, Syaoran, mother, my sister, Yukito, Touya, Rika, Naoko, Chiharu, Yamazaki and I dearly love Eriol. I really do I.......  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm sorry about my cut off, Eriol, my dear Eriol is still pushing himself to help me pull through. I'm trying not to let go, it's awfully hard to stay awake. I am trying but even now I'm tired and I don't know what I can do to her myself.  
  
I feel like I'm going to die, but I feel also that this illness is ment to give me time to think and time to read my book so I did.  
  
Sophie at the moment is living in hiding but her wedding is coming soon. So she runs away from the wedding leaving her husband to be at the alter. Camaron knows where she went and goes to the train station where Sophie and Zoe are leaving. Sophie yells I love you to him and he yells the same.  
  
Sophie is fleeing to a very out of the way place in Australia. Her and Zoe are being taken care of by a really nice buiness woman. This book also has an afterward story, I wonder if mother has it too.  
  
My wedding is within a week and I don't think I'll be able to do it. Mother said that when I've read this book, I should ask her what the meaning is. And what I've learnt.  
  
Love Meiling  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
DON'T WORRY FOKES THIS ISN'T THE END! NEXT CHAPTER COMING TOMORROW MAYBE. I'LL PUSH MYSELF TO GET IT DONE! DON'T WORRY! SOMETHINGS HAPPENING!  
  
Okay I changed it slightly, I didn't want Meiling to die. That would suck, all of Eriol's girlfriemds seem to die.  
  
Next two chapters will probably be the last.  
  
Yours Cardwitch 


	11. Meiquing, my little sister

Note From The Card Witch: OK I know your all really shocked about the fact this story is close to the finale, I am shocked too! But all good things come to the hault, I have other stories you can read and if you want I will write a sequil to this story.   
  
Meiling's Note: This chapter is called- 'Meiquing, my little sister', Mequing is see for the first time and my father comes and attacks us.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Diary,  
  
I'm recovering but Eriol's magic is weak for saving me. He's nakered to death, it will take him a week to get better. My poor Eriol, my poor sweetheart.  
  
I've been thinking about the story. Sophie is in the perstion as I am, she's getting married to someone jelouse of her friedn Camaron, Sophie and Camaron later on fall in love and Sophie realizes that, in the end she realizes she has to run, and take Zoe with her. Maybe mother wants me to do the same, run away from not only father but Tyler. Take Meiquing with me. Cause I will, if I have to, but that would mean leaving Eriol behind. I know I have to protect Meiquing.  
  
What can I do, I still feel sick but even if I were dying the day of my wedding dad would make me. Hate him, I hate all of them, him and is sick pervert friends, he's sick my father! SICK!  
  
I've also beeing thinking about what happened a the school disgo and how lost I was, I was going to kill myself. Now I have Eriol's love, Tomoyo's friendship back and I've read the book I feel I need to think very straightly of what I'm going to do. I better hurry, I only have a weak.  
  
Love Meiling,  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I read a line that Sophie says in the very last part of the book, it reads-  
  
(To all children who are scared of their parents, be strong and follow your dream. Keep your life going, it's not the end when they say it. And no matter what you do, mental or sane they can't control you.  
  
-Sophie Withall)  
  
And she's right, mother has realized I have no wish to let her harm me, in return she seems to see a new me, someone who she can save. My mother has always been diffrent from father.  
  
Father is much older then mother, then again, my mother isn't very old now. She's only 28, very young for a woman with a daughter my age. My mother used to batter me, brews me, my organs have been badly harmed by that hitting and abuse. My father is no better, but he blackmails me, shows me off to his drunken friends (Who with no doubt will be at the wedding). Those friends felt around me, sometimes father did (and still does), it scares me.   
  
And I also think about the man Tyler has turned out to be, he wants me as if I were his throthy and Eriol was the rival to win it. I am not some prize to be won! Only Eriol can see that, when I first met Tyler, I thought he might have turned out to be a wonderful husband. But once again, it's a case of "Meiling you sure can pick 'em!"  
  
I feel bored, sitting in this room, doing nothing really. I'm still a bit sick but I still seem to be thinking about things that have nothing to do with me. Even Clow and Jane-Anne, how he killed her cause rumors said she had commited adultary. It was made-up charges, it was very good fake, but still fake.  
  
I've even been having weird dreams, I dream that I'm in a field of poppies, at the bottom of a hill there is a lake or river. Down there I see two other girls and a boy who I've never met before in my short little life. The air is fresh and cool, there is really green grass at my toes and it's tickling them like a carpet. It feels strange, I'm wearing a long cream dress and a strange big hat like the Victorians did. It's a very peaceful dream, nothing goes wrong or happens. I just lie in the grass and poppies.  
  
I have had other dreams, I dream of a warm country, it's not Hong-Kong. I'm in a tropical place or something, it's very warm. I'm walking along a beach and Mequing is with me. Her Short black hair is lose and her black eyes look forward. Finally, at the end of a beach two girls call me and Mequing runs to them... and I always wake up at that point. It's creeping me out, maybe the dreams are telling me my futher. Where ever I was, in both dreams, I have never seen in life.  
  
I wonder what they mean.  
  
Love Meiling.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I dread tonight, mother, Syaoran we all do. Tonight is when my father will come, with his friends and Mequing. My father is worse then what I told you, he's drunken, hateful and silly man. He was kinder when he was younger but now it not the same.  
  
"You must be all dressed and ready daughter, you better go and take a bath" mother told me.  
  
"Okay mother" I told her, I am not looking forward to seeing dad at all. Mother coming was enough, nice or bad she maybe, it's enough. The last thing I need is a pervert father who eggs Tyler on to (pardon my word) screw me before we are married.   
  
Well I may just tell father that I have no thought of marring Tyler, I hate Tyler, I don't want to marry him, I don't want to live with him, I don't want to lie with him only, I don't want to carry his children and I don't want to raise the children with him. I am a Li, though I'm just a Li girl I have the power to leave him at the alter. I don't want anything to do with Tyler and his family, NO!  
  
So I'll just sit here and wait till he comes, wait till father is here.  
  
Meiling Li.  
  
Diary my Dear,  
  
Oh my sweet sister Meiquing, I have seen what my sweet little sister has been harmed by father.  
  
Father came with nearly 5 men with him. It was raining out side and my father and the men pushed in, my mother watched and finally from my view, my bedroom door, I saw one man pull Meiquing by her hair. She was much diffrent then she was the last time I saw her when I was younger. She had a proper chest now, not like mine or mothers but it was there, her hair is long and verry messy and dirty. I bet she has lice from the was it looked. Her dark blue eyes are grey, but the beautiful grey color, it was then sad upset look Eriol has given me.  
  
Father turned to mother, he pulled at her scraggy brown hair and said, "Well this is my wife boys, remember her? Not much to look at but still she got a lovely work". All the men laughed and held out her arms, Mequing ran to her.  
  
"Where is your other daughter, the really beautiful one?" Shove asked, he's dad's best friend.  
  
"Yes where is she woman?" father belowed to mother, mother looked towards my room. Father looked and walked towards my door. I ran to my bed and waited.  
  
"She's sick, husband, she's ill" mother said, father stopped.  
  
"Well she better get damn well again, no matter what she's getting married in three days" father said and he opened my bedroom door. "Meiling?" he said looking at me, I looked a way. "Come Meiling, my friends and your sister is here. Where is Syaoran?"  
  
"Syaoran's at Sakura's House" I told him.  
  
"The Japanese Whore? Sakura Kinomoto?" father asked. I slapped him, father then grabbed me and pushed me into to sofa. I hit my leg and it really hurts. Father's friends laughed and Tyler held mother back away, Mequing then cried.  
  
"Daddy, please leave Mei alone, please let her be" Meiquing cried. I saw her eyes look like liquard, father got off me and walked to her. He grabbed Mequing by her hair and picked her up to floor, she cried with pain, her scalp was already swollen with pain. He then dropped her on the floor and smacked her face.  
  
Over and over, again and again, my father hit my little sister her cheeks were rred and even bleeding, her tears hurt the cuts. Finally father threw her too the ground and grabbed my arm and threw me down with her.  
  
"Get out of here you little tarts!" he yelled, I got up and pulled Mequing up with me. We came here to my room, here I helps Mequing clean up.  
  
"Has this happened alot ofthe time Quing-Chan?" I asked as I patted her cheeks with water and peony essence.   
  
"All the time, his friends do it too, he treats me like mama treats you" Meiquing told me, trying not to cry. I wrapped my arms round her and we lay back onto the bed, her head was on my chest, telling me all that had happened while I was gone.  
  
"Father brought in many men but they won't wed me like they would you, he says I'm ugly and I should be treated like an ugly person. He hits me and bashes me, this makes men take aback. Oh sister I missed you so much" my sister sobbed. She cried for ages. I listened to everything she told me.  
  
"Your not ugly sister, nothing like" I told her sitting, Meiquing looked at me wipping her tears. I think I smiled to her, "Father's abuse has cause you to become thin, battered and fragile. And worry on your life has caused your face to loose color and the shine from your eyes to leave. Father isn't our boss, we don't have to do what he wants us to do. Yes he's a man, but I'm your sister and that is a bond closer then any you might have with you father, maybe even your mother... I won't let father hurt you anymore" I told her. Mequing hugged me, behind us we heard father and his drunk friends, maybe Tyler, leave the house to drink more.  
  
"I think I'll run you a bath" I told her, I opened my draw and got out my shampoo, Lice Clear and bubble bath. She followed me out the room, mother was in the living room watching the tele. Tyler had indeed gone out. I phoned Sakura and told her that it was better if Syaoran with her and her father until the wedding. They said thy'll do that.  
  
When I ran the bath for Mequing, I tipped back her head when she came close to the water she said. "NO! FATHER DOES THAT I'LL DROWN!"  
  
"I hugged her and said, "I'm not going to drown you, we need to make your head wet". I then got an old cup which we hold our touth paste in and filled it with water. I tipped it over her head and said, "There, was that bad?"  
  
She said nothing, she let me rub the lice clear in, it must have hurt with all the cuts on her head. I then left her for the 25 minutes to let it set. "Clean youself until I get back, don't get your hair more wet" I told her.  
  
I made my way back to my room when, suddenly mother stopped me. "Meiling, time is nearly at your wedding, have you finished the book I gave you?"  
  
"Yes mother" I said  
  
"And what have you learned?"  
  
"I learned that I am my own person, I have the power to decide what I do and when I do it. I have full control of my body and I am independent" I told her, that just came out, I realized that I had indeed leaned that. Mother seemed to smile prodly.  
  
"And, what have you realized from that book?" she asked,  
  
"That don't want to marry Tyler" I said, "And I love Eriol Hiiragizawa".  
  
Mother nodded, "And do you see the point of me giving you that book?"  
  
I didn't know so I said no. Mother then sat down and I sat with her, "I wanted you to see that, I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, I wanted you to know that you have as much choice to whom you marry as Syaoran had to choose Cherry-"  
  
"Sakura" I corrected her,  
  
"-Sakura, and if you are ready to run away, I can help you make a final gett away, but you must take Meiquing with you, she is unsafe too" mother told, "Give me until the wedding to plan this, say nothing toMequing until the day before the wedding" she told me.  
  
"Mother?" I asked, "What are you going to do?"  
  
"Everything I can, now go and help Meiquing, she needs your help go on" she said. I left, what she said has stuck to me like Rae on Show! I wonder very much what's going to happen. What is she going to do?  
  
What's going to happen on the wedding day?  
  
Tomorrow, I'm going to see what the wedding reception will look like. I don't want to see... I'll hate it either way....  
  
Love Meiling  
  
P.S I'm still sick! I've been throwing up alot and I feel hot and cold. It's really strange. Eriol, I haven't heard much from him, he must still be tired from saving me... my poor Eriol if only I could tell you how much I love you.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After this is done, there might be a sequil. Would you like that, please review and say what you think and if you want the sequil. Everyone have been wonderful reviews, I owe alot of thanks to all of you.  
  
The next two chapters will be the last- The Wedding, Part I & II.  
  
I will also have a big note saying what happned to the diary afterwards. 


	12. The Wedding, Part I

Note from Meiling: This is the count down to my wedding, now this just one big long Diary entry. What will happen is that here you will have One big Diary entry before the wedding. This Part of the Diary is simply called-  
  
'The Wedding, Part I'  
  
So enjoy, the end is near...  
  
Note from Cardwitch: You heard the lady, enjoy the story. Oh and Ah-choo, my name IS Sophie! lol! That's why I used it! (It was the only name that came to my head that wasn't Erika or Melody-Anne!). LOL!  
  
Eri thank you, same to you too MapleCharisma. It's really cool to get reviews from you. Oh and Amazonian Anime Queen, thanks. ALL OF YOU THANKS!  
  
REVIEW THIS STORY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!  
  
____________________  
  
____________________  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I spent most of this day cleaning Mequing for the wedding and tomorrow is my wedding rehersel. I'm not doing it, I'm gonna run out on that wedding.  
  
My mother said that my friends can come to the wedding rehersel, she said, Tomoyo, Sakura and even Eriol providing Tyler doesn't see him. I doubt he will have the energy to come, I will ask but I would like to see Sakura's brother Touya Kinomoto to come.  
  
Why, well, it will be the last time I will see all of them. Sakura, Syaoran all of them, all of them I will see for the last time as the wedding rehersel. I will run, I run away if I must, I will let mother do what she wishes. There is something I am scared about. What will happen...   
  
I have no idea of the out come after Sunday, mother says I'll be far away, maybe not even in this country. She seems to be on the phone a lot, making calls to America. I wonder what she's up to.  
  
Yours Meiling  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My wedding rehersel was today, it was a lot of fun, but also a walking nightmare. My uncle Zyro is up to something to put our Syaoran in the greatest danger. We all dressed up and left for the place the wedding rehersel would be. Father and his drunken friends flirted with so many woman there, mother looked very disgusted by my father's act. Tyler was keeping a close watch on me.  
  
Before I left for the party, I went to see if Eriol was okay. Nakuru said he was better and that he was surly up to sneaking around a party as so he was. "I wouldn't miss this for the world" he told me with a huge smile on his face.  
  
So I was there with all my dear friends, this was where we saw Zyro. He was talking with father and he had some sort of drink, he didn't drink it but he did put it in one of the wine glasses.   
  
"There's something dodgy about that drink he put that wine glass" I told Sakura,  
  
"You think he's planning to spike the drink so whoever drinks it will be drunk?" Sakura asked me,  
  
"Wrong" Eriol said, he was in a cape so Tyler wouldn't see, "That was poisen, he plans to give it to Syaoran". I turned to look at him, I was in shock. Eriol blushed when he saw my face, I smiled and then went back to my face of sadness.  
  
"Poisen to make him sick?" Tomoyo said coming over to us,  
  
"Poisen to poisen him, I.E they plan to kill him" Eriol said,  
  
"They?" Sakura said,  
  
"Yes, Zyro-san and Meiling's father" Eriol told us,  
  
"I knew it!" I said, everyone looked at me I just smiled and, Sakura ran off to get Syaoran. I turned round to Tomoyo and Eriol, "How long would it take for it to take effect do you think?" I asked them.  
  
"I don't know, I think that if he drank it at dinner time, he'd be dead by 12:00 pm tonight" Eriol told us.   
  
"Why do you think Zyro is poisening Syaoran?" Tomoyo asked,  
  
"To get rid of him!" I cried. Eriol put his hand on my shoulder, my skin felt like it was on fire and my heart was burning like nothing on earth. I can't say any more, but it was just by Eriol touch that it turned me on.  
  
"Why would Zyro kill Syaoran?" Tomoyo then said,  
  
"Duh, cause he hates him" Sakura said, "Sorry to sound mean but he does".  
  
"Well we need to warn Syaoran" Eriol said. I put his disguise back on and heading off towards the drinks, I guess he was trying to find the poisened one. Sakura, Tomoyo and I went off to find Syaoran. Several women came over and said they were sooooooooo happy for me, how lucky was I? Marrying Tyler Li?  
  
WELL   
  
VERY........................... UNLUCKY!  
  
Syaoran, we finally found him sitting talking to his siters and mother. It had been so long since I had seen her. I remember how beautiful she was but she was so sweetly faced and still had the face of an angel. I wish I was as beautiful.   
  
I felt that Sakura should warn Syaoran. "Sakura you tell Syaoran, I'll tell Yelan" I said to the girls. Tomoyo then walked with me. I span round to face her, "You have to distracket Tyler and my father. They can't know that Eriol is looking to check the drinks" I told her. Tomoyo smiled and nodded.  
  
I was then shocked, Tomoyo leaned forward and kissed me on my lips, it felt rather weird but she is my friend so I just let her kiss me. I felt so strange, to Eriol's kiss, it felt so weird. Yet her lips were very soft and loving, I wish she could find her soul mate someday. I hope she knows I love her, she's a great friend, I'm glad she wasn't really lothing of me before. I love her for she was so worried that I would get hurt but Eriol if it went any where.  
  
My dear sweet friend, my dear friend Tomoyo....  
  
Finallt Tomoyo broke the kiss and smiled, she then looked down and up again. "I will, do anything you want me too. Even if you want me to jump off a bridge... I love you a lot Meiling" Tomoyo told me.  
  
I smiled and said, "I love you a lot too Tomoyo" I told her. She turned around and then whispered something under her breath. I don't know what it was and she said it wasn't anything, I sure hope there isn't anything bothering her. Tomoyo then smiled once more and walked away from us.  
  
I watched, I hope she'll be okay...  
  
I turned round to Yelan, and sat next to her. I told her everything and she was shocked. Very shocked. Why would Zyro try and kill Syaoran in such a public place? I told that he has been repetedly ill and even I had caught what ever it was... from drinking something.  
  
Yelan said that it was a magical potion called Everdilight (Said like this- Ever- de - light). It causes people to heat up and die, she was once given it and the only way to save that person is that if that someone with the magical power of 'Peoniodi' (said- Peony- ah- dy) can heal them. This power was a secret power, though they can't use it like a normal power, it is a life giving power.   
  
"Okay one woman has ever had that power. Her name was Melissa" she told me. I asked myself, where had I heard that name? She told me, "Before you ask, that it was Wei who had healed me, I was a little girl". I smiled, "A special power to a special person" was what she told me.  
  
I put my arms round her and she pulled me in for a hug and kissed me. Just then, we heard a blood frezzing scream. It was Tomoyo's scream. My heart must have crawled into my throat as I couldn't talk.  
  
Auntie Yelan and I ran, Syaoran and Sakura where behind us. It was coming from the drinks, I pushed threw the the large group who where there and saw Tomoyo on the floor. I was shocked when I saw what I saw....  
  
Tomoyo and Eriol sat on the floor, Tomoyo was weeping and Eriol was supporting the head, Tomoyo had her head over who it was and I couldn't see. Syaoran did and his eyes looked so shocked... his face was as white as snow and his eyes seemed black with fear. Sakura turned her head into Syaoran and weeped out loud. I was scared I loked at everyone, they all looked at me and at each other.   
  
Tyler looked down, my father looked bummbed and Zyro was no where in sight. I knelt down and pulled Tomoyo away so I could see who it was, my heart just stopped as Eriols's eyes lifted the head to my sight.  
  
Yukito,  
  
He was gasping for the air he needed and Tomoyo was sobbeding in shock. Touya then pushed out of the crowed almost in tears, he pulled Tomoyo away from the wreckege of the body. I was so shocked.  
  
I sat next to Eriol, Eriol handed me a peony flower and whispered, "Do your thing... my Pretty Mei" he told me. He got up and walked into the crowed, Tyler's eyes never left Eriol's and I think Eriol's looked at his too.  
  
I heard a whisper from Eriol and he walked back next to Yelan.  
  
Yukito was cold and he was dead now. He must have swollowed the poisen, I placed the peony on his heart and thought to myself. I vowed to myself that this would work and asked myself if it would. I told myself it had to work!  
  
I placed my hand on the peony and I felt yet so weird. Like I was having a flash back, in it was my Eriol and people I never even knew.  
  
I was in a field of blossoms trees, peach, cherry, apple and plum, all swelt sweet. I pull myself up, I have been lying in peteled covered fields and dry dead grass. It smelt like something I had never smelt before. I was wearing a long victorian dress I think it was anyway... All around me were ypung girls making daisy chains. Some where platting there hair, I pulled mine forward. They were curled at the tips up. They were the same jet black hair but they seemed to be diffrent. In front of me I saw a small river or lake or something like that. I looked over the water and saw my eyes...  
  
They weren't my nomal red eyes, they looked more purple and my face seemed not shocked though I tried to move. It was like I was trapped inside this girls body... but I felt like I was her. Suddenly I heard the name 'Melissa!' I didn't turn but who ever this was did. I was shocked to see my Eriol.  
  
He was dressed very smartly and this body just staried still, though I tried to run. Eriol walked up to me or this person I was. I seemed to look away, Eriol then said, "Melissa?"  
  
I then realized, Melissa was the name of the girl who Eriol loved and died... I was in her body. But I seemed to feel what she could, though I had no control on what she did. It was like I was her, following the moves that were... years before my birth.  
  
"Melissa" Eriol said again, "Why do you run away from me?"  
  
I had no control on what she said so I just listened-  
  
"You seem so dependent Eriol" she or rather I said or then again we said... I'll just say her.  
  
"And your so stubbon and independent, aren't you?" Eriol said,  
  
"Yes" she said, "I admitt I am a tough honey bee"  
  
"Then why do you run away from me?"  
  
"I can't say"  
  
"Why Melissa? You know I love you" Eriol said. This what were I tried to take control, but I couldn't... so I tried to snap out of this and go back to the party. But it was like snapping out of your life and dying. I had to stay here.  
  
"You want to know why I can't look you in the face?" Melissa the said. Then she looked out to the river, I could see it all. Then she said, "It's cause I love you too".  
  
Suddenly, my eye sight seemed to black out and everything faded. I started to panic, my heart felt like fireworks and blown it up like tiny firecrackers. Suddenly the sight came back again.  
  
I was in a candle lit room, everything seemed blurry and every sound I heared sounded like it was eccoing. I looked to the side and I felt someone clutch my hand, it was Eriol again. I must still be Melissa, this must be the day she died. In his arms.  
  
"Eriol?" she groaned, "I know for sure now... I'm dying of that illness.... but fear not my Eriol dear friend... I will retern my friend. Come home to your life... like when Clow gave you his".  
  
"When?" Eriol said crying.  
  
"One day, when the mistress has been found and you have loved and lost again. You will find someone... someone you will love more then you love me. She may to start remind you of I, but on the day you swear your true love for her... she will prove that she is more my child then she is I. Herself, will have known true pain, when you find her, protect her from being hurt again. I cannot tell her name but I can say... that you will lose her for sometime but as long as she loves you back... you will always be together" she said. Suddenly it all seemed to go black again.  
  
It was black for a while, I felt tired like some energy had been taken from me. Finally I was able to open my eyes. I found myself on the floor with a dead peony in my hand and Yukito was sitting up... okay.  
  
Everyone looked at me as if I had just committed a witchcraft act and even if I had it shouldn't be a shock as everyone knows about magic there. Eriol knelt down next to me and helped me off the floor, I didn't know it was him from the outfit but I did when I saw his smile.  
  
As everyone fussed Yukito, all but Tyler and father. Eriol and I headed for a quiet place, I could still feel Tyler's eyes burn my kneck. It reminded me of a line from mother's book...  
  
ISophie walked out the door, yet she knew that it would be hard to explain she was going out to the libury to work on her report. Her violet husband to be was in the house, his eyes burnt her kneck like her had spilt water down her fragile neck. It burnt her neck bad/I  
  
Eriol was sweet on my hand, he took me to a quiet place and sat me down, we were far from the crowed. Eriol took off his mask and smiled. I tried to smile but I couldn't. I then begun to tell him about what I had seen, how real I felt in her body. Eriol seemed surprised too.  
  
Eriol then said it was probably nothing to worry about but what I did was very magical and that I had the gift Melissa Li had. A healing power (Peoniodi). I couldn't believe that I had used magic... I still can't write now.  
  
I then realized that Eriol, and I were alone together... alone.  
  
I cluched my fists. I felt hot, I hope it didn't show too much. My heart felt so tight. I faced Eriol and tried to smile. I knew I had to try again, I had to try and tell Eriol that I... I love love him.  
  
"Eriol?" I started,  
  
"Meiling" Eriol said, he blushed and giggled. I giggled too, and then said again-  
  
"Eriol" I begun, "I have to tell you something..... I'm.... I...I..... I'm.... I lo-"  
  
Just before I could finsh my auntie Yelan came out of the dark and blew my next attept to tell Eriol I love him. Damn it! Why now, why anytime?  
  
"Hiirgizawa-san I would like to talk with my niece alone... if you don't mind" Yelan told Eriol. Eriol nodded and walked away and left me with her. Yelan sat next to me and smiled. "A special power, to a special person. I always knew you had magic Meiling... always. I just didn't know what it was.. now it sure, you have the true healing power you will bring good to this clan. But your mother's right.. marrying Tyler will do you no good" she said in her beautiful voice.  
  
"What are you all planning?" I asked,  
  
"You'll find out tomorrow when you marry Tyler" Yelan said,  
  
"What am I doing? Running off on the honeymoon without him or something?" I said, I didn't mean it but she said in a sly and cunning way...  
  
"Sort of, that's what he'll think" Yelan said. She then walked off. Leaving me wondering.  
  
I wonder what will happen tomorrow. I stre at the wedding dress and wish to tear it apart and spit on it, Tyler, the very man who came into my life. But be messed with it, charmed me then treated me like everyone else in this world. Eriol who I love will never be by my side. I may have nither of them, but I'd rather have nither then just Tyler.  
  
I'm excited yet scared, what will happen tomorrow.  
  
Love Meiling  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next chapter will be be the last. Sorry! But all good things shall come to an end, but as Eri knows I plan to write a sequil. I hope you'll all read it! Thank you. Everything will be resolved.  
  
I promise and thank you to all who reviewed me!  
  
Thank you 


	13. The Wedding, Part II Finale

Note from Meiling: This is the last entry I ever write and I also wrote an afterwards or something like that for the person who I send my diary to. I realise at the end that I can't keep it and I need to give it to someone I can trust and someone who no one will suspect. The story so far, well it was my engament party and something strange was going on when Tomoyo, Sakura, Eriol and I saw my uncle do something to a drink he thought Syaoran would drink but Yukito drank it and I used my new found healing powers to save him. I also had a vision from the past of Eriol and Melissa. I saw it from the eyes of Melissa. From that I've been wondering, I know it may sound silly but, I have been wondering-  
  
Am I Melissa?  
  
Uncle Zyro must have been trying to kill him, Syaoran, and now its clear the only ones who can stop him... Is me. But I have a fake wedding to think of....  
  
Note from Cardwitch: You heard whats been going on and it's intresting that Meiling is thinking that she might be Melissa, what do you think? Thank you to all who have reviewed my stories in the past. A short list with a special note to you will be put at the end and I promise you all that if you think it's too hard to wonder about the end. I am planning and writing a sequil which I hope you will love. Meiling didn't say the title for her last entry or entries, so.... It will be simply-  
  
The Wedding, Part II (Finale)  
  
Good luck, no flames and THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH WONDERFUL PEOPLE!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
2:00 am  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I know it's very early. 3 hours from my last entry but.... I'm so scared.... I thought when I was a baby getting was the best thing I'll ever need to do but from this is horrible thing. I don't love Tyler, what if I do end up marrying him. I remember the first day I met him, I was so angry at Eriol. Now I'm marrying Tyler, I hate him and I am in love with Eriol.  
  
I can't go on if I do end up marrying Tyler, he's not the face I want to look at every morning and night! Far from it, far from it, I hate him, hate, hate, hate, hate him. I wish I could flee this life but I can't because it keeps coming back to me.  
  
I can't write anymore, I feel tired, yet I know that the moment I put you down and switch off my light I will quickly become a wake again. So I will write on, I don't have much to talk about but I will write on.  
  
My uncle Zyro, I know I have named him Shiro now and again but I be confused, my uncle re-named jhmself after his father when Ryuu became a leader. Now I believe Zyro is a crule man who hates Syaoran. I hate my uncle, he keeps trying to harm my dear Syaoran. It's un fair and I hate him, yet he will be there at this wedding I'm having tomorrow.   
  
Zyro is my mother's brother too, Jinling is indeed my mother and his young sister, having me at 13 or 14 years old made my uncle think her as a silly girl. Eriol used to think of me as a silly girl in his diary.... maybe I got it from my mother. At least I'm am not married at my age of 15, well at least not yet and pregnant or already birthed of a child. I don't intend to do so especially with that foolish old, monster Tyler. I will not let him touch me, myself, I will not let him have myself. I hate the idea- him touching my body... I don't even want to think about it. It's so grotesc.  
  
I can't think of and think anymore more...  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I dropped off on the last words I wrote in my last entry sorry. I had a dream about Eriol, it was strange where I was yet sweet what I saw. I tend to dream on these days, with only 13 hours to my wedding... what will I do?  
  
My dream made me happy, but near the end before I woke up, Tyler came in and broke me away from a warming hug that I was in with Eriol. I wanted to hit him like any other day of my life with him. I dreamet that I was already married to Tyler and I was bashed around, made to have children for his terrible family and told off by his horrible mother. Like with my mother before. Eriol tried to save me, but Tyler killed him and Eriol, died in my arms. Tyler just stood there looking over me with his crule eyes.  
  
I wanted to kill him too, or kill myself, justify the taking of Eriol's life somehow. I woke up then. I felt like I had had a horrible hang over... I wish to just die for I wait till morning now to find out the out come of my life...  
  
Yours Meiling.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am far away now, my day has been long but my struggle is over. I lost the battle but I won the war, I am free. This was a day I will never forget...  
  
I woke up this morning, once again for the third time. My mother, Yelan and Syaoran were all there. Syaoran looked at me so oddly like he heard something that was bound to change our lives, it's weird how I just got all that by looking at him. I treat him like a little brother these days, Tomoyo does too, she once said he's like the little she'll never have. I think it's wonderful she feels that way... Syaoran does act and in fact is the baby of the group, he's very protective and very shy, what you find in a little brother. ^_^ He's cute to be one too. I've loved him the past but now, I just was to hug him cause he's like my brother.  
  
Auntie Yelan was combing him hair like she did when Uncle Ryuu was still alive, Syaoran's hair has always been very soft and kitten like, I should know, from the age of 5 to 10 I combed his hair and from 7 he started to find it weird. Probably cause he didn't like me the way I liked him, I'm glad we're in the same place now and moved on. Yelan once said that there is a soul mate out there for everyone, sadly some of us miss them but if you have the right feeling then you found the soul mate. My mother then said to her that the way to find them, is to stop looking for them. What a wonderful theroy, that just proves the doubts of marrying Tyler I thought then.   
  
"Meiling" Yelan then said, "Your wedding is very soon, you should let us help you get ready". I thought there was something going on by the tone of her voice, I know her voice doesn't change to often but I could tell. Syaoran walked by me and said-  
  
"It'll be okay" and walked towards his room. Syaoran was in there for most of the day while the grown ups fiddled with my hair and made me get dressed. I had a red wedding dress. the one my father chose. It was a Chinese style one, it was really strange... how no one said anything. My mother is quiet a talker around Yelan and she likes her a lot, when she was with Ryuu Li, Auntie was all mama wanted to talk about. Like with me and Syaoran, I think he's totally cool!  
  
We all do!  
  
Tyler, so says mother, is with the other men and they are already there. Mequing looked really sad as soon as I asked about father, Yelan patted her on the head. Mequing blushed.  
  
I was dreading lunchtime, that was when I would leave for the chruch up on the hill. Sakura said she oftern saw Eriol on one of the towers up there, Syaoran said that he felt that Eriol was thinking about things when he was up there.   
  
I doubt he'll be up there today, he did say he loved me and if I was still deeply in love with Syaoran and he and Sakura were getting married, I'd be sad, maybe not come. I guess Tomoyo would have said it's the right thing to do, to go.  
  
Now that I think about it I think I would go because its my own will not to, but I'd be bothered by it for the rest of my life I wasn't there for their wedding.  
  
Sakura came round with something, I don't know what. She straight away went into Syaoran's room. But before she did she said how beautiful I looked.  
  
It was nice of her but this was the one time I thought that I'd be better off be an ugly hag for my wedding day.  
  
Tomoyo came round with her camara and the flowers. She also came with the bridesmaids dresses and helped my sister get dressed up in hers.  
  
"You look super cute Meiling" Tomoyo said when Meiquing was dressed up. She then got out ther camara and taped me.  
  
"This is the before the wedding shot, you look really sweet" Tomoyo went on and the she said, "I just want to capture this moment on the video so I can tresure it always. I don't have to many videos of you you know".  
  
Tomoyo then grabbed my hands, and said- "Try not to get to shy and if you have a reason to worry just come to me. Oh and one more thing, at any time of the wedding please talk to me, or Touya or Yukito" then she backed away with the camara still on me and into Syaoran's room.  
  
I didn't get what she ment but I wondered a lot after that. As it got to 11:00 I started to feel upset and I felt like crying so I went to my room.  
  
Meiquing asked me if I was feeling well. I said I just wanted to lie down while I can. I don't care if I'm late... it's my job, I didn't care if never show up for this stupid waste of my time wedding.  
  
I realised then, I had finally become like Syaoran.  
  
I begun to cry in my room, I think I may have sobbed out that I didnt want to do this and that I couldn't do this. It was then my angels came to aid.  
  
Syaoran and Tomoyo came in. Syaoran sat my bed with me and Tomoyo kneeled infront of me.  
  
"Meiling" Syaoran said, "I know you dont want to do this, I know how you feel, but you have remember that if you want you can run out on it"  
  
"I can" I said,  
  
"Hell yeah" Syaoran told me, "And you know a good way to escape, I've been practising it since I was six" Syaoran said. (That was when I fell in love with him). "Okay I know this is a silly six year old escape plan but it works... you go into the bathroom and then you can pop the glass out of the frame, that way you crawl out and run away" Syaoran sad with a smile. We both giggled.  
  
Tomoyo sat there and took my hands like she does, and said, "You really don't want to marry him do you?"  
  
I just shock me head.  
  
"Well it just so happens that, Syaoran, Sakura and I have a plan, so what ever happens there you just play along with it... Your mom and Syaoran's mom have a plan too, but Syaoran thought up the first part" Tomoyo said patting Syaoran's soft head.  
  
"What are you going to do?" I asked,  
  
"Trust me, I'm Syaoran Li" Syaoran said with a smile and a peace throw. I admitt a blush I made ^_^ I can't help still thinking he's cute. Syaoran's sisters think he's 'The most sweet brother in the world and there is no other brother better because they have the best'.  
  
I trusted them as the two left the room, I'm glad I have a cousin and a friend like that.   
  
But as Tomoyo left, Syaoran stopped in the door and smiled, "Remember, it'll be okay. Tyler is looser I know one person who loves you..." he said.  
  
I was confussed, I guessed Tomoyo may have said something or maybe even Eriol... but Eriol knows Eriol loves me. I told him, though it seemed to be like Syaoran to forget.  
  
"I know, but I don't know if he ment it anymore" I said,  
  
"Oh, I didn't mean... never mind I think Eriol does though" Syaoran said walking back to me. I was confussed, did he mean someone else."But before we leave as it's time to go, I want to say that no matter what happens I will always be there if you really need to talk to a family member... here I am, and thanks you've been just like a sister to me" he said. He then sat next to me a then did something I'd never thought he'd do, to me at least.  
  
He kissed my cheek, his lips are so soft and kind. They were diffrent from when Eriol kissed me, Syaoran felt like I was kissed by my brother. I think thats the best way. Syaoran then walked out.  
  
That was the last time I have spoken with Syaoran in privert.  
  
As he said, it was time to go to the church. All of us- Me, mother, auntie, Syaoran, Meiquing, Sakura and Tomoyo all left together we walked out the door. I looked at the sky and saw how gray it was. It reminded me of Eriol's eyes when he was sad, it hurt me so to know that I was going to go to a church and... but then I remebered, Syaoran's plan.  
  
I decided to fake smile, as we went down to the car. Meiquing held my train, when mother first said the train was going to be 1 meter long, Meiquing said- "That's small for a choo-choo".  
  
I thought that was sweet of her to say that...  
  
As we came closer to the chruch people were already showing up... Syaoran patted my head, so did Sakura, Yelan and Tomoyo took the camara and taped me. As she walked in she gave me a okay sign and taping me walked backwards.   
  
Yelan walked in, I only noticed that her hair was down, I'm suprised that she wasn't falling over it, I guess she's had it cut. Mymother took my hand and said under her breath- "I'm sorry, for being such a horrible mother, I'll never forgive myself for the mark on your back. I'm sorry".  
  
I didn't say anything, I just cluched her hand tighter so she knew I was okay. Something inside me knew I was being watched by someone at that time but by the time I decided to look up it was time to start walking. I had my bridesmaids just making it to the end of the run and it was time for mother and I had to start walking.   
  
Everyone looked at me it felt horrible, like I wanted to fall onto the floor and cry. I always thought getting married would be wonderful and simple, but its nothing like I wanted my wedding day to be. I don;t have butterflies or cold feet. I just was to kick or punch Tyler in the nose when I stand next to him.  
  
As I walked I turned around, Syaoran wasn't in sight, nither was Sakura. When I got the other end next to Tyler, I wanted to turn around and run out. I knew if I tried my father and Zyro would go mad and stop me somehow. Tomoyo smiled and whispered- "It'll be okay, it always is".  
  
I can't believe I heard her say it, but I did- I'm happy! But then the vicar guy started talking... I wasn't listening. Suddenly the guy stopped and we all looked up when we heard something moving about on the roof. He started again but there was more scratching.  
  
"Just ignore it, go on" my father snapped. Zyro nodded sharply.  
  
The vicar went on, every word hit me... finally he said, "If anyone has any objection why these two should not be joined together in holy matromony speck now or forever hold your peace..."  
  
I hoped someone would say something...  
  
Suddenly... the roof of the church caved in a bit and some came flying through the roof... and landed on Tyler. I went down to see who it was and to my surprise-  
  
"Eriol?" I said, a bit of hope hit me.  
  
"Sorry what did you just say?" Eriol said turning to the vicar.  
  
"I asked if there was anyone who had any objection" the Vicar said. Eriol nodded and still standing on Tyler's back said-  
  
"Oh yeah that's me" Eriol said and pointing down to the ground or rather Tyler, "She can't marry him".  
  
"And why not?" my father bellowed, Eriol looked at me and all stary eyed he said-  
  
"Because I'm in love with her" Eriol said, looking at me with a smile. Tyler the got up causing Eriol to fall off him.   
  
"Get off me you pest" Tyler said, I ran to Eriol's aide, Tomoyo came out of the crowed and helped too. "That's the guy I told you about Li, he's the guy who Meiling has been making eyes at" Tyler said pointing at Eriol. Eriol got up himself and Tomoyo helped me up.  
  
Eriol then looked at Tyler and said, "I've seen how you've treated her", Eriol spun around to face father, "And you", Eriol turned to my mother and looked at her with coldness... but then smiled. "You are the only one who has learnt that Meiling is a living creature who by one has always dreamt of this day and I want you to know...." he winked, "I know and am in on the plan!"  
  
"What plan" Zyro yelled,  
  
"This one!" Syaoran's voice said, suddenly he jumped throw the hole in the roof, "Sorry but we happen to be crashing this wedding" he said with a smile.  
  
"Syaoran?" Sakura's voice said, Syaoranopened his arms and out of the hole jumped Sakura and into Syaoran's arms they smiled at each other like they we're staring in a romantic movie.  
  
"The Japanese Whore!" Zyro yelled,  
  
Syaoran and Sakura frowned, "If your going to call me something, call me the Japanese Concubine!" Sakura joked, still in Syaoran's arms.  
  
"Call her that one more time I get out my sword and rip you a new mouth!" Syaoran said pointing to Zyro.  
  
"Oh Syaoran" Sakura said in a starry way...  
  
"Oh Sakura" Syaoran said in the same starry way...  
  
(I don't know if they had noticed but this is my messed up wedding, they were totally stealing my thunder!)  
  
I looked to Eriol and smiled, he smiled back... Suddenly, Tyler jumped forward and thrashed into Eriol causing his noise to bleed. Tyler then went back to me while Eriol was down and he picked me up and Tyler then bought me level with him face.   
  
Something inside me had finally after 15 year has had enough of my beating, my being pushed around, rejection this had really cause my tp to blow off! I felt like a dragon was breathing fire inside me and I had to realise it.  
  
I kicked Tyler in his.... err.... you know.... and he dropped me to the ground. What a wimp I thought. I turned around and my father came towards me, I started up my guns and begun to through my fists and feet at him. My father is good at this too so I'd finally met my match.  
  
He swang at my head and I swang and his legs. I didn't care what I hit, I was kicking for der life, I felt like this was the way I was going to get out of here. Finally I kicked my father in the same place I'd kicked Tyler and boy it must have hurt him. My father fell down.  
  
While I was free I looked around, most of the guests had ran off but Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo, my father's friends, Zyro and mother and Meiquing still were there. One of the guys were fighting with mother, she was far to good for them. She's so good at this, I must have got what I got from her.  
  
I looked around Sakura was fighting with the other thug with her staff out. I looked round and my sister was in a cornor crying, I tried to go to her but Tyler's back up and grabs me from behind. I kicked backwards, I felt so powerful bringing down some people who were way bigger then me.  
  
I looked back to my sister, Tomoyo was with her. I then saw one of the thugs came up behind her.  
  
"Tomoyo-chan!" I cried,  
  
Tomoyo turned around and...  
  
"AHHHHH!" Tomoyo screamed, I opened my eyes and, "MY HAIR!" Tomoyo cried. I looked at her and to my shock...  
  
Tomoyo's hair had been cut to shoulder lengh... her beautiful violet waved lay on the floor and they were dead, no longer part of her pretty head. Tomoyo sat onto the ground and cried. I ran towards her and so did Eriol but Eriol was held back by my father.   
  
"Oh Tomoyo" I said giving her a hug, Meiquing patted her shoulder.  
  
"She's right, it'll grow back" she said. I stayied with the two of them and watched. Tomoyo needed my support. I watched the fighting go on but one caught me eyes.  
  
Syaoran was fighting with Zyro with the sword, Zyro had his own out too. I watched and heard everything that came between them.  
  
"Give it up boy" Zyro grunted,  
  
"What's there to give up, I can fight if I want" Syaoran said, "And fight you I will" Syaoran said he pushed back on Uncle and then swords met again.  
  
"You know you are your father's son, just as foolish" Zyro said trying to push on Syaoran. "Thats why he's dead". Syaoran pushed again but then fell back on himself. Zyro was on him but Syaoran push forwards again, his sword had always been very good.   
  
"Why do you do this uncle, why is it that when ever you are near me trouble seems to follow me about?" Syaoran asked,  
  
"Because, Little Wolf" Zyro said with an evil smile, then he bash Syaoran to the ground and trapped him under him. "Ever since your father died, I've to kill you too, little one". Everyone in the room stopped fighting and looked at them, nearly all of us, me also were shocked. Zyro hated Ryuu Li, Syaoran's sweethearted father, all this time he's tried to kill Syaoran too.  
  
Syaoran then tried to get out of Zyro's clush but he was too heavy. I wanted to run out and stop this but Eriol grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me. "And nows the time to rid the clan of you!"  
  
Zyro lifted his sword towards Syaoran's heart but then Sakura grabbed the arms of my uncle and pulled him back. He turned around and...  
  
Sakura was thrown into me and all the others in the room.  
  
"You killed my father... didn't you?" Syaoran said, he seemed very upset and angry my heart hit me like a nightmare. Zyro nodded and watched at the same time I saw... them run towards each other and then finally. They stabbed into eachother.  
  
Zyro's eyes seemed strucken,  
  
Syaoran eyes lost all beautiful shine and their wonder brown beauty like he had been take by shock. Zyro suddenly feel back.  
  
I ran towards them, Zyro was holding his arm as it was bleeding, Syaoran's was bleeding too. I got a bit of my wedding dress and put it round his arm. I didn't want to but I did the same with my uncle, but when I tried he wouldn't let me. He just lay down and didn't move.  
  
My mother, got up and said- "Go with Tomoyo, Touya and Yukito. Take this envolope and your sister, everything you need is in there, I promise. Yelan will take care of this" my mother said, she then grabbed both of us and hugged us. "Go!" she said.  
  
I looked back at Eriol, he looked sad, but Tomoyo grabbed my hand and pulled me away. As we walked away we saw an ambulance come. I think it's too late for my uncle, I would have used my healing power but I didn't have the time to ask.  
  
I feel like I should have done more... but it's too late now...  
  
I opened the envolope and had a look inside, inside was mine and Meiquing's passports, two tickets and something that starts an account or something. I had other stuff which I guess I had to use. I was shocked when I saw that the tickets were one-way, no return to... HAWAII! I looked at the other stuff, it said where I was going and where I was living and where my job would be. The school I had to send Meiquing to and who my boss would be. Some guy called Big Bob?  
  
I saw that Tomoyo, Touya and Yukito were taking me to the airport, a place I know all too well!  
  
Touya, when we got there grabbed my things and checked them right away. Tomoyo took my hand and walked off towards where I'd get on the plane.  
  
It has been 20 mins since my moment... my bording call was called and I said my byes.  
  
"I'll miss you Meiling" Tomoyo told me she was hugging me so tight I couldn't breath. The boys bid me good bye too. Tomoyo walked me to the bording tunnle thing.  
  
Tomoyo saw I was sad, "Meiling-chan? You so troubled, you didn't get to tell Eriol did you?"  
  
"No I didn't, I wish I...I wish I" I said, I remember hurting so much. I guessed Eriol would feel just how my Syaoran dear, I didn't know if I'd ever see Eriol again.  
  
But then as if by magical powers... Eriol ran towards us.  
  
"Meiling" Eriol cried. I span around as so did Meiquing and I saw a happy smile spread across my dear friend Daidoji's face.  
  
"Eriol!" I cried, he ran up to us, and smiled to me, he patted Meiquing's head. He then faced me as I said-  
  
"Eriol, I have to tell you" I said, my heart felt like a knife was stabbing it and I knew this feeling wouldn't go away until I told him. "I, I love you Eriol, I really do and I wish I didn't have to leave". I felt like I was going to fall onto the floor and my legs were hurting to sit down.  
  
"I'm glad that you told me" Eriol told me. Meiquing hid behind me and giggled when Eriol kissed me one last time.  
  
I felt like me world was ending, like I had to stay here, I felt horrible and painful. I love him so much, that last kiss woke me up and proved to me that letting him go would ruin me. But I'm here on the plane right now so I lived.  
  
I said good bye and I still remember the last words Eriol said before I left.  
  
"My sweet Mei, my Pretty Mei, never forget me and when your father stops looking for you, Sakura, Syaoran and I will come for you. If this is a bad time for them only I will." Eriol then said, "I'll wait for you forever".  
  
No one loves me enough to love me forever. I trust him but...  
  
I doubt he'll wait.  
  
Love Mei-Lin Li, Aged 15.  
  
MEILING'S DIARY ENDS HERE  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
REVIEW EVERYONE! I will thank you all on my web site and in other places. I'm not writing anymore stories or the sequil until I'm out of Hospital... Sorry.... ^_^  
  
But this isn't the end, I don't know if I'll write anymore M+E for a while. I'm working on a M+T and I want to finsh all my stories now.  
  
Farewell,  
  
Trust me I'm the Cardwitch 


End file.
